Jeeze. While things are so good right now, there are also things nagging at me. I won't go into a lot of them only because they need to mull over. my mom is still not happy with me. I'll never do anything right when it comes to her.
I can't explain this to alva. He has a strong sense of family, and doesn't understand why we don't get along, nor why I can't just go live with her.
Everday of my life she has had something mean to say to me. That I'm too fat (I weigh 105 lbs, and have just recovered from an eating disorder). That I'm stupid (I graduated with honors...not spectacular grades, but good ones). That I was an accident and shouldn't even be here, but because she was a good christian she kept me...etc
Everytime I try to explain this to Alva he takes it as I'm talking shit about my mum. I love her dearly, but I can't live like that.
My mum has said some aweful things to me, and while I know that as long as I try, then things will be ok, she's the only one I ever wanted to please, and she's the only one I can never seem to make happy. She told me once that the only thing she could ever count on in her life was me dissapointing her. I guess that's right.
She's not all that's been on my mind. I adore alva dearly, and sometimes find myself contemplating the idea of love...without my own consent. I'm debating breaking up with him. He's never here. I want to be with him, but I want him to want to be with me. I haven't seen him in 2 days and I know it doesn't bother him. This is becoming so nerve wracking to me, I'm actually debating taking him up on his offer of moving in with him. The last time I saw him he mentioned it again. He wants a big place, and to live with a bunch of people.
Dani asked me to find a place with her. I'm debating that too
I love living with Jaime, and her son is really sweet, but living with a 4 year old is tough. I don't like being touched, and I know children need a lot of love and attention. The problem is: he seems to only want it from me. Sleeping on the couch doesn't help.
Alva seems the most plausible.
If I move in with him, my mother will never speak to me again.
I can't explain this to alva. He has a strong sense of family, and doesn't understand why we don't get along, nor why I can't just go live with her.
Everday of my life she has had something mean to say to me. That I'm too fat (I weigh 105 lbs, and have just recovered from an eating disorder). That I'm stupid (I graduated with honors...not spectacular grades, but good ones). That I was an accident and shouldn't even be here, but because she was a good christian she kept me...etc
Everytime I try to explain this to Alva he takes it as I'm talking shit about my mum. I love her dearly, but I can't live like that.
My mum has said some aweful things to me, and while I know that as long as I try, then things will be ok, she's the only one I ever wanted to please, and she's the only one I can never seem to make happy. She told me once that the only thing she could ever count on in her life was me dissapointing her. I guess that's right.
She's not all that's been on my mind. I adore alva dearly, and sometimes find myself contemplating the idea of love...without my own consent. I'm debating breaking up with him. He's never here. I want to be with him, but I want him to want to be with me. I haven't seen him in 2 days and I know it doesn't bother him. This is becoming so nerve wracking to me, I'm actually debating taking him up on his offer of moving in with him. The last time I saw him he mentioned it again. He wants a big place, and to live with a bunch of people.
Dani asked me to find a place with her. I'm debating that too
I love living with Jaime, and her son is really sweet, but living with a 4 year old is tough. I don't like being touched, and I know children need a lot of love and attention. The problem is: he seems to only want it from me. Sleeping on the couch doesn't help.
Alva seems the most plausible.
If I move in with him, my mother will never speak to me again.
Take a valium or something.
You're going.