oubliette1

hmmm...well, I guess I should post my weekend or something like it. Alva and I finally hung out. The past 2 nights in a row I stayed at his brothers house. I won't go into detail, because nobody wants to hear it; but there were many humiliating moments that are going to come to me, and everyone in Ukiah will eventually know all about it. I REALLY like Alva. I know that it's stupid to fall for him, but I'm just gunna let things happen. He's sweet, and interesting, and vague and beautiful. He always keeps me guessing. He gives me compliments, but they're so subtle I don't even realize it until later. Last night was wonderful. We headed up to his brothers house and were the first ones there. He didn't make a move or cop a feel. We didn't even make out, we just fell asleep holding on to eachother. The next morning we kissed...not making out, kissed. He had work (though he'll never tell me what he does {drug dealing is my best guess}) and I had family stuff. Before anyone else was awake he asked me: "What are we going to do tonight?"...Of course this being Alva and me never knowing if what's gunna happen is really whats gunna happen...tonight didn't happen. Once again before anyone got home he pushed my hair out of my face, and I was explaining to him that I wasn't sure where I was gunna stay and how occasionally I'll sleep in my car if I need to he just looked at me and said "It just seems so weird that a girl as pretty as you doesn't have a place to stay everynight"...then he asked me to stay with him. I told him that he should never feel obligated to ask that. He apologized for sounding obligated, because he wanted me to stay. The most subtle compliment he gave me, was when we weren't talking but I was looking at him. He smile and shivered and gave this weird chuckle. I asked him what that was about and he said "You were just looking at me like that, and it made me feel high"...I hate myself for liking him. Of all the guys that are bad for me...I chose him. I'm retarted for him.