oubliette1

well, lets see. I knew my cloud 9 couldn't last. I found out today he has a girlfriend...that he's living with none-the-less. I feel aweful now. I think I need to get a tattoo on my forhead saying "DON'T CHEAT ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND WITH ME!". I didn't expect anything from him. I didn't expect some collasol relationship. I mean fuck, he lives in LA. I just wanted to be happy with a series of hook-ups whenever he was in the area...or at least under the dillusion that he at least thought of me for a little bit afterwards. Oh well. I'm not heartbroken, just dissapointed. I don't mean to be sexist, although I know I am, and I'm hoping that not all my relationships are going to be a dissapointment. I'm just gunna go on my way. Pretend that no one has ever hurt me. Get my rocks off with a few guys here and there if I feel like I need to, but I don't want ANYTHING serious...ever. I'm sick of all that bullshit. I always said that I never wanted to be "owned" by someone, and in a sense that's all a boyfriend is. Just leasing yourself out to someone.

On a lighter note: I got proposed to today. Eddie confessed his love for me, and asked me to marry him. For some reason I declined. But I did agree that if I was single (and him too) when I was 21 that I'd let him take me to a bar, and then make out with him some time in the night. He said he was gunna hold that to me. Then he went on to more confessions about how he was jealous of a few guys that I knew, that although he had a girlfriend, he thought it was incredible that we could stay friends even after our brief hook-up, and that he had emmense feelings for me...bla bla bla...
oh yeah, and he sang me "San Dimas High School Football Rules"...and a few other pop-punk songs about love and shit.

I guess I'm done. I guess I'm happy, but I've been kicked off of cloud 9. Until next time. ciao.