osaka

i dont remember when the last time i just hung out with some cool people and enjoyed their company and felt comfortable is.
id love to just be over at someones house and just, you know, hang. not do anything specific, maybe drink some beer eventually make some food, watch some movies. anything just... i dunno
i remembered today just how alone i am here. i have chris he is one person i can hang out with and turn to and enjoy spending time with and everything. otherwise.. other wise there are 3 individuals who i know well enough to be able to call up. one of them is psychotic,and while i love her very much she drains me unbelivably and poisons me with her attitude. its rare that i see her anyway, shes always busy or something.
the other is a girl from school, she is nice, but also difficult to mesh our schedules. and then there is tomek, who disapppears and reappears in my life as he will, hes away mostly, he was ment to meet me today after work but he ditched me. im not really angry or anything coz we have that sort of love/hate relationship going. i only trust him as far as i can throw him, sortof thing.

and thats it. thats my whole social circle. people i mostly dont see, dont have time or energy to see. i interact at social meetings with other people but they are chris's friends and will always be chris's friends even if they tolerate me, even if they went beyond that to liking me. which i think one or 2 of them have, its not like we'l ever meet up if he isnt there or anything. you know?

i miss having my own social group. of people who like me.

or maybe i just need a good hard fuck.
whatever, right?