oruc_reis

I am home

Home feels strange today. I sit here in a house that I have sat in for years, in a city I have spent over half my life, and the only thing I can think about is a place I only spent a couple of days in. I felt more at home, more alive, and god damn it I felt happy. I was happy to ride the train, walk down town by my self, and just be different than who I always am. I talked to random people on the street to see if they liked to live in Chicago. I am generally a keep to my self, shy kind of person. That is mainly due to being judged in one-way or another my whole life. Yet and some how 310 miles from home I had wonderful SG people, random strangers, and the best friend a guy could ask for. All the time never once feeling like anyone was judging me for being me.

I have to steal a few lines from ladyk journal.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I have people to dream with. I have friends who love me, friends with whom I can hatch crazy schemes, and who are kind enough to let me share their lives, and whom I can allow into my life, and my secrets
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Those words have been echoing in my mind since I read them a few hours ago. That is the kind of friends I want. Not the kind that tell me it is my fault that his girlfriend is nuts and they are fighting, or the kind that only seem to want to be friends when it is convenient for them, or the kind that tell me I cant venture out to see if a change in my life will make me happy because it will effect there life to much.

I sit here dreaming of a place that I have the power to just get up and go to. I am not sure how, when, or where I will be when I get there. I am making the move, I have to for my own sake otherwise I will always wonder if it would have made a difference in my life and we should never have to live with regrets.

On a closing noteno more hotdogs for me those things have put my insides on strike.