Lets talk about why holidays suck ass. I have done the same thing for Easter for the past 5 years. I went out and had Chinese food with the in laws, even though last year I was separated from the soon to be ex I still did this. Since this year I was going to spend Easter alone I broke down and went to my families thing. I like my family but most time I cant stand to be around them. One dozen little children running screaming at the top of there lungs and the really loud two dozen drunk, high or just plain annoying adults. I sat there today and realized why I only see those people three times a year; they are like the live version of Jerry Springer. It has some how cleared up a few things in my head though no matter how fucked up I am right now it could be worse.
On my way home I stopped at my buddies house to finish watching the MSU basketball game (since those fucking little kids wouldnt shut the hell up I left at half time) it was a good game. MSU won, on to the final four baby. He lives on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere so I had about a half hour drive home to contemplate the events of the day. Im in a crowded house and felt alone, Im at a friends house and felt alone, and in the car by myself I didnt feel alone. I have come to the conclusion that most of the people that know me dont really know me. They dont see me struggling to reinsert himself into a far to often-judgmental public. They dont see me struggling with the thoughts of what is wrong with me, am I going to spend the rest of my life alone, or would this be a better place if I was not here. I am not afraid to say that I have issues if I say them I can deal with them but it has been hard for me lately. I have come to terms with living by myself and I actually enjoy it some times, but I have not come to terms with being by myself. Well this is just about becoming one of my most depressing journals yet so i'm going to depart with this one thought look at your friends for who they are not for who you want them to be. Till fate or free time brings us together again.
On my way home I stopped at my buddies house to finish watching the MSU basketball game (since those fucking little kids wouldnt shut the hell up I left at half time) it was a good game. MSU won, on to the final four baby. He lives on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere so I had about a half hour drive home to contemplate the events of the day. Im in a crowded house and felt alone, Im at a friends house and felt alone, and in the car by myself I didnt feel alone. I have come to the conclusion that most of the people that know me dont really know me. They dont see me struggling to reinsert himself into a far to often-judgmental public. They dont see me struggling with the thoughts of what is wrong with me, am I going to spend the rest of my life alone, or would this be a better place if I was not here. I am not afraid to say that I have issues if I say them I can deal with them but it has been hard for me lately. I have come to terms with living by myself and I actually enjoy it some times, but I have not come to terms with being by myself. Well this is just about becoming one of my most depressing journals yet so i'm going to depart with this one thought look at your friends for who they are not for who you want them to be. Till fate or free time brings us together again.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
ladymaze:
Well, I actually DID want the author and title...but no worries. I know who wrote that one, and what it's called. Good poem...very good. 
ladymaze:
No prob.