orson

Well we're leaving for Cannes in a few. The DaVinci Code will be the first film we see, so will let everyone know if its good or not.


But as we sit on the tarmac waiting for take off, I'm reminded of the chatter between pilots & control towers, heres a few of the more funnier exchanges:


Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up
here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"



O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this ... I've got the little
Fokker in sight."

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out
after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."



A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the
following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany.
Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you
lost the bloody war!"



Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we
lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact
Departure on 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we
copied Eastern ... we've already notified our caterers."


The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-
tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location,
but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some
amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747. Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird
206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't
land."


While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight
departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a
United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew,
screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn
right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I
know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it
right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to
sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You
can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you
to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got
that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control
communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US
Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her
current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was
definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and
keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

Enjoy the week everyone.....