ormunroe

put some new pics up if you're interested

Your comments are so much better than bitter sweet chocolate. I feel happy whenever I receive one.
I always read your journal but sometimes I don't know what to write and I don't like writting typical stuff just for the sake of writting a comment. I suppose that you can tell by my updates too...they are quite slooooow

I miss you also

PS - I am still thinking of what song to send you

I usually a pretty quiet in public, but not shy like I won't talk. I'm just usually thinking about the world in general and how to make it a better place. Plus I don't talk just to hear myself usually and I don't need the spotlight. Right and wrong are way over rated along with organized religion which is one of the things that needs to be changed in this world. Spirituality is something that everyone can have but religion seperates us from other peoples own different spiritualiies. I loved your journal today your unslefishness let me know that there is someone else out there going through almost the same thing that I am. I'm worried about the same things that you seem to be if I am translating your journal correctly. I've spent the last 27 years struggling to learn who I am and be comfortable with myslef. Recently I've gained some very critical knowledge about me that I was missing. With this knowledge I've come to understand that I'm changing(for the better like you) but faster than when someone grows up into themselves. Because I'm older and understand how people develope and change, that makes me want to change even faster to get to the new me that I believe will be happier and more content and fit whoI truly am. But I have come to realize that the people around me are my friends with the old me, which is fine because there are parts of the old me that will still be around in the future. But the are new things that come up that conflict with who they are and how they view and understand me. I've always been the outsider of the group that was different, but they have been use to that different. However I know that I don't have to lose them because I know that all I have to do is explain to them as I go along why and how I'm changing and that I still want them in my life if I do. If they can hear me then and accept me and the changes then they will continue to be around, if not they won't. Some may but some may not that choice is not up to me it is left to them. If they valued my friendship and love they will be there in the end. But I'm not scared of the new me or that some of them may not be there in the end. I know the new me cares more about the world and mainly it's inhabitants, and wants to do something good for all of them. And anyone who views the world in that way can't be all that bad as long as I can have the will to do something to help. Thank you for the knowledge you have led me to this evening. Love Austin

I hope that you found a release for you drunken frustrations.

I want to suck tha knowledge out of your journal. I desire it. Thanks for the words about mine. I have a good idea what she tastes like now.

Sorry for taking so long to reply...
I am in a very strange mood these days...

I miss you too

Hey there! I just saw your post in my Military Families group and wanted to let you know you are not alone! I would have responded sooner but I've been AWOL due to a hectic life offline. Contact me on Yahoo anytime you want to talk.

Oh yeah I am very familiar with the "ignore it for now and bring it up when we can deal with it" thing. I went through years of that with my ex best friend. I finally realized that he was never going to want to deal with it. Hopefully your situation is not like that.

I felt that connection we had (have?) was truly rare too. I guess i still do, but, it is just to hard to move in and out of his life and even harder to be in his life all the time without things being the way I want them to be.

Good luck with the family visit and the therapy. Therapy has alwys been a good thing for me. In fact, i may go back myself.

That made perfect sense to me. I understand completely how hard it is to reconcile the logical with the emotional.

Heh, re my plan to move on. We will see, I think if I were really acting sensibly I would move on without seeing him again. I may lose my resolve to say goodbye once I actually see him. Sigh, I just can't shake him. I have never, ever met another man or woman who makes me feel this way. I don't like it. Especially when he claims to feel the same way but purs his sense of obligation/duty above his own happiness and emotions. Which means he puts them above mine as well.

I just read that line in your journal about keeping things light now. Sorry if I am bringing up stuff you don't want to talk about. Feel free to delete or ignore if you need to.

I agree with you about women. In general I find them much more attractive. I am drawn to them more. But I never have the same emotional connection with them that I do with some men. I never fall in love with them. I wish I did. I think they are easier to deal with than men.

[Edited on Mar 03, 2005 4:47PM]

I don't like spiders either *shudder* but some peopel say they're good luck and eat even more yucky things hiding in the corners...

sorry that probably didn't make you feel any better

anyhow, I didn't think your comparison sounded weird at all...on the contrary - I took it as a compliment. I think you're quite spot-on as far as what I believe in and what I'm willing to fight for. I'm very flattered thats what you saw in me, and pleased (but not surprised) to learn you're about the same sort of things. :]

Spiders are our friends, they eat all the bad bugs, but I don't know what kind of weird spiders you have over there in Germany. Probably the ones that speak German and have little Hitler mustaches.


Coming back home to the States, yeah!

Side-show Bob

Wrong but funny.

Your daughter is adorable. She looks very much like the daughter of a friend of mine. Or at least how she looked at that age. So how are you? Seemed like things were not so good in your last journal. Everything all right now?

Are you alright?

...be strong please..

I am glad that you finally met Mr. Gordon but I'm not sure if you are...I still don't know what song to send you...I am thinking of sending you something that is not considered to be jazz...is that ok? When I think of your "situation" it is hard for me to think of what you would like to listen to. I try to think of what I would want if I were in your shoes and I can't think of anything...(I used the word "think" 4 times, and "thinking" 1 time...you make me "think" ).

MMmmmmm......chicken!

Ok...I'm not going to ask you NOT to apologize anymore cause it just doesn't seem to work..Apologize all you want! I don't care

Now I am even more confused...I like mournful songs and I also like listening to a cello but I can't even think of one jazz song with a cello in it...damn girl! you got me cornered Perhaps I will send you mournful songs without the cello, and cello instrumentals separately...

Where is Mr. Dexter??? I sent a copy to Rx in MI and it got there a long time ago...I thought that yours would have arrived faster...

Are you shooting new pics?? With your 'fro perhaps?

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PS - ...I think that you shouldn't avoid your therapist. I understand how scary all this might be for you but whatever the outcome may be, I believe that honesty is the best way to live our lives...it usually shows in the longterm...
I'll be here if you need anything. Just drop me a note.

All I can say there is that I think for most people therapy is a good thing. It can be scary, but, it can really help you to see what is going on. Just be sure that you have a therapist you are comfortable enough to be honest with.

I don't like the term bi-sexual either. I guess because it makes people assume some things about me that may not be true.

Re your comments to me: It is funny, growing up I hated my red hair. It was almost orange then and kind of frizzy. I thought it was my worst feature. Then as I grew older it turned into more of an auburn and I learned to control the curls. I love it now. One of my favorite things about my physical appearance.

Cycops huh? I can see the eye thing. Other than that he is kind of the poster boy for guys that don't do it for me. Nightcrawler on the other hand, oh yeah.

The date went very well. Such a nice sweet guy. I just wish he didn't remind me of someone else. I guess we will just see what happens.

Yes, I have been training since I was 8. Never really studied any one style. I had an older cousin who decided I needed to be able to defend myself. He taught me very well. When he decided he couldn't teach me anymore, I started training mostly on my own. Picking up various things from people I know, but, pretty much developing my own style.

Hope you are feeling better.