ormunroe

So...as I was drifting off to sleep the husband faces me and asks, "Do you still feel the same way?" I remain silent for a moment then ask, "In regards to what?" I know what he was asking but I wanted more from him. "About us and you?"

It was a weird moment for me. I heard my mom's voice in my head telling me to take care of my husband and be grateful for my family. But then I recalled the agony and relief of finally voicing how I felt. My husband and I have been getting along relatively well for a bit now but that's mostly because we continue to avoid the subject of seperation/divorce. I know I could remain married to my husband but I also know that who I am would change drastically into someone I don't want to be (and certain aspects cannot be changed). Nothing can undo (in my husband's or mother's or my mind) the steps I took and I don't want them to be undone.

So I answered, "Yes, I still feel the same." He responded by turning away from me, making sure none of his body was touching mine anymore and going to sleep.

It's weird living like this with moments/days of being ignored and blamed. But its equally as weird when on days he feels kindly disposed towards me and kisses my cheek/forehead, give hugs, and tells me he loves me all day.

I feel like I should be waking up any time now.