ormunroe

I have been reading and rereading your two posts to me. Trying to come up with something helpful and supportive. Sometimes that seems like a difficult thing for me. To be honest, empathy is relatively new to me. I do want to help and support you in whatever you decide. I am just not very good at this. I keep second guessing myself. Starting over. Afraid I will say the wrong thing or not fully convey how much I sympathize with your situation. You have no idea how often I have thought about this. The situation you are in is so very similar to the one that "Roy" is in with his wife. I really can't say what I think you should do. All I can say is that I know how hard it is to stay in a relationship that is not fulfilling. It has been an incredible burden for Roy and made him in many ways a very unhappy man. It was also quite a burden for me to stay in a freindship that had become nothing but a source of heartache. Walking away was hard. Staying would have been harder. Not the same as ending a marriage, of course, but, it was, for me, more significant than any sexual relationship I ever had, and very difficult to end.

I do think, however, that there is nothing wrong with trying to get yourself on a better footing before you make any decisions. I don't think there is anything wrong with making sure you are in a good position before (if) you leave the marriage. And who knows maybe your mom will be right and while you are making the changes you need to make you will fall in love again.

I have felt tht way. Only once. I never got the chance to find out just how good it could be. One of my great regrets. The only person who ever got me excited with just a casual touch.

I wish I had more or better advice to offer you. I guess I will end with saying that you can't put other people's happiness before your own. In the end that just leaves everyone unhappy. I also think that you have to take risks and accept that sometimes people get hurt.

I truly hope you find a way to either mend your relationship or a way to part on good terms.

Sigh. I hope all this made some kind of sense.

[Edited on Apr 10, 2005 1:07AM]

I'm glad you're back to updating I was missing you when you came back to the states.

i'm at an advantage i think because i never thought i'd get this far in life. my inner time bomb was to go off sometime around 20, at the latest. but here i am with this littel person who seems to adore me and i cant get enough of him.
being home with pants these past almost 2 years has been the greatest experience of my life. i didnt know what love was, hadnt even been offered a sliver until he was born.
i'll never deny that he wasnt a mistake. his conception and birth were not planned well if at all but i could never dream in the most lucid nightmare of not having tiny love.

Congratulations! I must ask........how is Germany treating you??

I think the slowing down of the friends list for me is that I never have time to relpy to anyone, but once school is over; watch out, I will talk everyones eyes out. Becayse you can't hear me speak, only read what I write.

You get the point.

Counseling couldnt hurt

Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At last you're back!!
I haven't been in here too much...I am starting to get veeeery bored...instead I spend more time in deviantart...

I am glad that you decided to not follow that diet

Welcome back!!! It is nice to know you're here!!!

welcome back beautiful, hope your trip went well

glad your back

Welcome back and such.

Are you back on the home soil yet beautiful?

Mmm, good (Chinese) food!

I hope your trip back to the states is wonderful so far. Also, you have amazing hair.

put some new pics up if you're interested

Your comments are so much better than bitter sweet chocolate. I feel happy whenever I receive one.
I always read your journal but sometimes I don't know what to write and I don't like writting typical stuff just for the sake of writting a comment. I suppose that you can tell by my updates too...they are quite slooooow

I miss you also

PS - I am still thinking of what song to send you

I usually a pretty quiet in public, but not shy like I won't talk. I'm just usually thinking about the world in general and how to make it a better place. Plus I don't talk just to hear myself usually and I don't need the spotlight. Right and wrong are way over rated along with organized religion which is one of the things that needs to be changed in this world. Spirituality is something that everyone can have but religion seperates us from other peoples own different spiritualiies. I loved your journal today your unslefishness let me know that there is someone else out there going through almost the same thing that I am. I'm worried about the same things that you seem to be if I am translating your journal correctly. I've spent the last 27 years struggling to learn who I am and be comfortable with myslef. Recently I've gained some very critical knowledge about me that I was missing. With this knowledge I've come to understand that I'm changing(for the better like you) but faster than when someone grows up into themselves. Because I'm older and understand how people develope and change, that makes me want to change even faster to get to the new me that I believe will be happier and more content and fit whoI truly am. But I have come to realize that the people around me are my friends with the old me, which is fine because there are parts of the old me that will still be around in the future. But the are new things that come up that conflict with who they are and how they view and understand me. I've always been the outsider of the group that was different, but they have been use to that different. However I know that I don't have to lose them because I know that all I have to do is explain to them as I go along why and how I'm changing and that I still want them in my life if I do. If they can hear me then and accept me and the changes then they will continue to be around, if not they won't. Some may but some may not that choice is not up to me it is left to them. If they valued my friendship and love they will be there in the end. But I'm not scared of the new me or that some of them may not be there in the end. I know the new me cares more about the world and mainly it's inhabitants, and wants to do something good for all of them. And anyone who views the world in that way can't be all that bad as long as I can have the will to do something to help. Thank you for the knowledge you have led me to this evening. Love Austin

I hope that you found a release for you drunken frustrations.

I want to suck tha knowledge out of your journal. I desire it. Thanks for the words about mine. I have a good idea what she tastes like now.

Sorry for taking so long to reply...
I am in a very strange mood these days...

I miss you too

Hey there! I just saw your post in my Military Families group and wanted to let you know you are not alone! I would have responded sooner but I've been AWOL due to a hectic life offline. Contact me on Yahoo anytime you want to talk.

Oh yeah I am very familiar with the "ignore it for now and bring it up when we can deal with it" thing. I went through years of that with my ex best friend. I finally realized that he was never going to want to deal with it. Hopefully your situation is not like that.

I felt that connection we had (have?) was truly rare too. I guess i still do, but, it is just to hard to move in and out of his life and even harder to be in his life all the time without things being the way I want them to be.

Good luck with the family visit and the therapy. Therapy has alwys been a good thing for me. In fact, i may go back myself.

That made perfect sense to me. I understand completely how hard it is to reconcile the logical with the emotional.

Heh, re my plan to move on. We will see, I think if I were really acting sensibly I would move on without seeing him again. I may lose my resolve to say goodbye once I actually see him. Sigh, I just can't shake him. I have never, ever met another man or woman who makes me feel this way. I don't like it. Especially when he claims to feel the same way but purs his sense of obligation/duty above his own happiness and emotions. Which means he puts them above mine as well.

I just read that line in your journal about keeping things light now. Sorry if I am bringing up stuff you don't want to talk about. Feel free to delete or ignore if you need to.

I agree with you about women. In general I find them much more attractive. I am drawn to them more. But I never have the same emotional connection with them that I do with some men. I never fall in love with them. I wish I did. I think they are easier to deal with than men.

[Edited on Mar 03, 2005 4:47PM]