okay so i changed my name since i realized that everyone who googled my email would find out that i liked ecstasy and porn. although this is fine in my personal life my local pastor whose trolling for girls would see me and tell my parents.that and i don't need the exposure to people who are looking for me from high school.then, of course i'm assuming that people are looking me up.in my mind i'm very mysterious.
i've been writing letters lately, did i mention this? i'm so stoned on oxy. legally. so i've been writing to all these people i never have time to write. i really think i already wrote about this. anyway, it's good to write but my hand cramps up.
on the phone sex front, i've discovered the seedy underbelly is actually seedier than i thought. it seems that fetishes are the biggest thing and i am completely vanilla when it comes to feet and smothering etc. really, i'm just into body parts that fit together and rub against each other. i'm totally okay with kink but i'm not really well versed in it and i'm beginning to understand that i couldn't fake my way through humiliating or feminizing a 58 year old man. i have the idea that they know exactly what they want and will sense that i don't. (they smell fear)
so i don't know. research will have to be continued which sucks because i'm not growing money in my back room.hell, i don't have a backroom.
the ladies on pink sofa were talking about the need for lesbian escorts etc. and i feel like i should step in and fulfill these women's needs. so i'm just gonna start up an escort service. fuck college.
google this.
i really am starting to think that in order to lead a happy life (!?) i need to not get into relationships. my life has been so drama free the last few years. everytime i get into a real crush everything starts to fall all around my head. then i shake it off and go about my relatively serene existence. it's not even a question of "girls are more drama" and "guys don't know how to treat women" i just literally don't know how to do it. i firmly support your choice to date. i will be there every time you need someon to talk to about some insane raging crush and i will never say "i told you so" when a relationship explodes. but unless i trip on my life partner, it's no go for me.
Insecure? probably. but i've been alone so long that i don't know how to play nice.
i know i was a lot more positive when i was young,cute and skinny .but it's not just the fact that i've changed in those ways, it's more an internal thing.
i have to go to this new therapist tomorrow and i have no desire to bother with it. i mean, fuck that at this point i think i've done all the digging i need to do. i just want to sculpt and write and hang out with friends who make me laugh and somehow contribute to society in some beneficial way. fuck i am babbling. this is the kind of stuff i usually write on myspace, which has become my journal for the broken hands.when i'm home though i find myself spending more time here. so , here you go.
i'm listening to this 80's countdown on vh1 and i just saw the thing about the cure. the best thing about that is that all the other 80's bands have "reformed" since this 80's obsessed crap has started. robert smith has never stopped being amazing, a little dated maybe, but he still crafts some pretty perfect songs. he's HUUUGE now.
they got beat out by michael jackson though.
okay i'm gonna stop and go look for asses.
i've been writing letters lately, did i mention this? i'm so stoned on oxy. legally. so i've been writing to all these people i never have time to write. i really think i already wrote about this. anyway, it's good to write but my hand cramps up.
on the phone sex front, i've discovered the seedy underbelly is actually seedier than i thought. it seems that fetishes are the biggest thing and i am completely vanilla when it comes to feet and smothering etc. really, i'm just into body parts that fit together and rub against each other. i'm totally okay with kink but i'm not really well versed in it and i'm beginning to understand that i couldn't fake my way through humiliating or feminizing a 58 year old man. i have the idea that they know exactly what they want and will sense that i don't. (they smell fear)
so i don't know. research will have to be continued which sucks because i'm not growing money in my back room.hell, i don't have a backroom.
the ladies on pink sofa were talking about the need for lesbian escorts etc. and i feel like i should step in and fulfill these women's needs. so i'm just gonna start up an escort service. fuck college.
google this.
i really am starting to think that in order to lead a happy life (!?) i need to not get into relationships. my life has been so drama free the last few years. everytime i get into a real crush everything starts to fall all around my head. then i shake it off and go about my relatively serene existence. it's not even a question of "girls are more drama" and "guys don't know how to treat women" i just literally don't know how to do it. i firmly support your choice to date. i will be there every time you need someon to talk to about some insane raging crush and i will never say "i told you so" when a relationship explodes. but unless i trip on my life partner, it's no go for me.
Insecure? probably. but i've been alone so long that i don't know how to play nice.
i know i was a lot more positive when i was young,cute and skinny .but it's not just the fact that i've changed in those ways, it's more an internal thing.
i have to go to this new therapist tomorrow and i have no desire to bother with it. i mean, fuck that at this point i think i've done all the digging i need to do. i just want to sculpt and write and hang out with friends who make me laugh and somehow contribute to society in some beneficial way. fuck i am babbling. this is the kind of stuff i usually write on myspace, which has become my journal for the broken hands.when i'm home though i find myself spending more time here. so , here you go.
i'm listening to this 80's countdown on vh1 and i just saw the thing about the cure. the best thing about that is that all the other 80's bands have "reformed" since this 80's obsessed crap has started. robert smith has never stopped being amazing, a little dated maybe, but he still crafts some pretty perfect songs. he's HUUUGE now.
they got beat out by michael jackson though.
okay i'm gonna stop and go look for asses.