originalzombee

happy birthday connor oberst...

so v day went off without incedent. went to dinner with my homie the night before (i had to work on vday)

before the dinner we had a little tiff, but it was okay.


now that my depro is out of my system, my hormones are all crazy. i get spastic kinda easy. and it tends to be worse with him because..well.......the feelings involved.

i'm frustrated.

whatever. *shrug*

anywho....my dad comes home from the army (they finally released him) on the 19th...which is his bday. so i'll be meeting up with him for lunch, which i hope goes well. i'm nervous.

my whole life all i've ever wanted was for him to be proud of SOMETHING that i did.

lets reveiw:
i raised him, and did pretty okay.
the whole time i lived with him, i did so while maintaining being drug free, a virgin, and never having touched a drop of alcohol....and even AFTER i left. all of that came post high school.
i kept myself in school and making great grades even after he kicked me out at 15 AND worked several jobs AND made rent AND payed all my bills.


i've struggled a lot. but personally, i'm proud of myself for not being some homeless drugged out alkie with three kids and a boyfriend who beats the fuck out of me.

but to listen to him tell it, i might as well be. and turning tricks on the corner. and sucking fat old guys off for crack.

maybe now that he seems to have some new perspective on some other things, he'll finally see me for what i've done thats good.


chances are he won't.


i'm just praying for him to not sit and bitch the entire time about how my life is in shambles and how it's all my fault and blah blah blah.



one of my ex's im'd me today.
he misses me.
too bad.
go fuck yourself.

i'm sorry but its been like............months.
you can say "i love you" all you want. but personally, i'm over it. 4 months ago i would have cried and missed him. but now...fuck it. you did what you did......i was upset, but i moved on.

you can't be a jerk and then expect "i love you" to sound real afterwards.


"love is like a role that we play"


anyhow. i have a room to clean.

i hope you all had a great day yesterday <3

And to my lover I leave
The bottom of every fountain
Attract whoever you please and then
every day would be the same

and to my mother i leave
all my unruly abandon
live whatever you dream and please
dream of me

we will all have wings
and to my father i leave
all of his life's hard earned lessons
live as long as you please and please
let's be friends

i am outside now
we will all have wings




sometimes i'm amazed at the accuaracy of a song.