orangeasaurusrex

I'm trying to cram before therapy tomorrow.
My homework is to challenge my core belief. However this year a lone has validated it and I can't get around it. So I sit here and cry. I feel like crap. I suddenly see very clearly that I smoke so much pot for a reason.

I'd rather feel nothing than have to deal with all this pain. By that reasoning I'd be taking anti-depressants. Do I really have dysthymia? If I can't get over this hurdle am I doomed?

Many people would trade their life for mine in a heart beat. I know I'm a good looking guy. I have one of the hugest hearts of anyone I know. I have a promising career. I'm accomplished. I can look after myself...

But one thing in my life has stopped me so entirely that I can't move forward in my personal life. For someone who's job it is to find solutions to problems... this is so puzzling. I feel like I'm trying to move a mountain. Which saying that tells me that I'm looking at the problem in the wrong ways. I'm so puzzled. So hurt.