Thursday Jan 28, 2010

0
I don't know what to say.
Last night I found a picture on the internet of a girl that looks 99.9% like my ex.

No face of course, but I recongize her hair, her body, even her moles. I recongize stuff in her room she owned and she now has a tattoo where she said she wanted one. She was naked or mostly naked and one of her sucking a dudes cock.

Right now I'm trying to grind through my work day. My heart is heavy. I'm not sad. I'm happy she isn't moping around like I am. Thats a trait that is me smile. What hurts is that someone didn't care about her as much as I do. This guy obviously posted the pics. Well I highly suspect.

I hoped she'd find someone that'd treat her better than I did. Or provide her with something I couldn't.

She could have out of malice for me. She knows I visit that site, when we broke up I said it'd kill me to see her with another person. Would she do it? Maybe I don't know who she is anymore. She blocked me on facebook after I messaged her wishing her a happy new year. I guess I'm happy I didn't wish her a happy b-day ^_^.

That hurts though frown. I guess I hurt her somehow? I'd tell her I'm sorry if I knew what set her off. I know deep down we couldn't be friends. Even facebook friends. I just don't want bad blood.

So last night I decided to remove the final bastion. The one thing I was hanging onto hoping that one day we could at least be friends. Her xBox saves. Deleted. Tonight, I'll do a full purge of everything I can find of her and totally give up hope. Its only data.... even the pictures I've been hanging onto hoping that one day... I could look at them and think only of the good feelings she gave me.

I'll also be selling her 40k figures. I can't look at them still. Its too much 'her' in them.

Its not her hooking up with this guy. I know that'd happen eventually. What it is... is this blocking. I guess you truly do end up hating the ones you love.

Alright, I hope this makes it so I can focus on work.

[EDIT JAN 29-10]
Bleeding it out

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Dear Ex,
We're not talking. I've only wanted to ask you why.
Honestly I'm going to treat the photos like you posted them.

You didn't have to be a hurtful person. You could have just said please leave me alone. You could have treated me like a person like I treated you.

I only wanted to talk friendly and just ask how school and your family was doing maybe once a month or once every three. I KNOW we can't talk without fighting if it went past pleasentries. Whatever you feel you need me to stay away from you'll get it now. But understand; I don't appreciate you just ignoring me. I feel I deserved a reason and thats all I wanted. I could go and declare war on you, but I'm not that type of person.

If you want to keep trying to hurt me; just because I message you, it doesn't mean I'm needy. I just really thought you were a good person and I like good people. I just wanted to know you were doing ok. Not why, or how or what... just yes/no.

Otherwise when you are done being a cunt, don't even think of talking to me. I don't want anything to do with you again.


VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
trilby:
Gutted, sorry to hear that if you're sure frown
metta:
I totally know how that is.
If i had like 3 hours or so to tell you exactly how this all really applies to my life and how empathetic i really am you;d believe me.
I've been there.
still not over it completely and its been years.

chin up.

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