orangeasaurusrex

I went out for new years; I'll try to post some pictures up but the blackberry is sad for concert photos. I saw USS at the phoenix.

The night was nuts! Lots of energy and fun; not too many drunks and I really just overall; had a good time!
Of course I flew solo. I'll get to that lower down. I spend the whole day of the 31st thinking I wasn't going to go out. My sister brought home a bug which made me sick (P.S. My sister has been couch surfing since the beginning of December) and I really thought I wasn't going to make it. Of course I was dumb and smoked pot on the 30th because I was bored of being sick. At around 6:00 I started feeling better. I decided to wait it out and not get my hopes up till 9. At that point I walked the dog and got ready.

I drove downtown at around 10. I got to the club and found a scalper who charged more than I wanted to pay but I really wanted to see USS so I rationalized it. I went up to a store that was about to close and asked to borrow use his ATM. I got two faulty withdrawals and called my bank. I was informed that my card was suspended (I bought groceries earlier that day WTF!) but the withdrawals didn't happen so that was good.

I had to clear a few things up and they agreed to give me access to one transaction. It took me a few more convenience stores to find a machine that worked. Once that was out of the way; I headed back but it was a 15 minute walk. On my way I met a lovely girl from New Brunswick. She was visiting her mom.

I was walking and she was ahead of me. I jogged across a cross walk to allow a car to turn where I was standing. We're walking right beside each other. I looked over and I noticed she was looking. I kept walking and turned my head again. She had this 'omg he's gong to rape me' face on, so I winked at her and it broke the ice. We talked briefly and we parted ways. Honestly I would have liked to have gotten her phone number and I kinda got the feeling she wanted me to ask. With what happened this week, my emotions are a little raw and I didn't feel like taking any chances.

I found the scalper and got in! It took about 20 mins to get my coat checked. I got a bottle of water and found a place in the crowd just in time for them to start!

During the show a girl came up to me and told me I was cute. I totally blushed. I am rocking a beard right now so she didn't see lol! Though everyone in the crowd seemed to be much younger than me I felt a little weird like maybe I'm too old to be going out for new years.

So on flying solo.
Its a big deal! The last time I went out by myself I had a small mental melt down. When I got dumped; a lot of switches in my head got turned off. I guess maybe it has a lot to do with my grandpa dieing too, but the events are linked in my mind. I guess I have just been lacking self esteem. I was surprised that I was cool being in such a large crowd. I think that was it. There was lots of places to hide. I'm just happy that I got through the night and really enjoyed myself. However, the band USS had 'our song'. When they played it, I allowed myself to think of what it was like to be in love, and not her. This approach has been much better. I guess in someways you miss the most; the way that person made you feel. It doesn't change the fact I still pine for her, but that'll pass again in a few days.

More ramblings about the ex: (I honestly am ashamed I'm writing this but its in my head)

So all in all, lots of hope for 2010! Nothings going to change from yesterday but I am going to keep working on improving my attitude and reconnecting with the person I am. I can really feel things are going to change. I hope I change the most of all!