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orangeasaurusrex

Near Hamilton

Member Since 2005

Followers 118 Following 143

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Sunday Aug 23, 2009

Aug 23, 2009
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I am sooo busy... sooo tired
I can only describe myself one way right now.. poetically constipated.

I want to write about how I'm feeling, its very good very up. This weekend didn't turn out to be a depression soaked affair I expected it to be.....

But I have come to a new realization that I think is either me accepting the reason she gave (the main one) which infuriates me and disappoints me even more. I feel the way I originally felt after the break up. Cheated out of a good thing. The more I think about it the more unforgivable it is... the more angry I am and the more I am torn between
"Is this just the way I am and she can't accept it"
or
"Maybe I should change because I'll never find anyone who can accept me for me"

I think its a sort great question...
Do I try and cure my depression; which I think is impossible... and become a new person
or do I
Continue my life as is and learn to deal with the mood swings and savior every flavour of life and the emotions I go through?

Do I appreciate my dark beast.... or try to bury yet again. I mean.... there is always going to be something that'll make me be depressed even if I become normal right? I'll have to fight it again sometime?

If I fix myself.... will I be able to retain the parts of myself I like? Will I lose my identity?

P.S.
I don't believe in Karma Anymore.
tita:
It seems to me that you owe yourself a fighting chance. Don't change yourself, but work to make yourself better, inside and out.
I know several people who suffer with questions like yours, but when they find a way to conquer their leanings, a new life full of opportunity opens for them.
Last I kept up with you, you had moved into a great new apartment with your dog. That was a great find! What's up these days that's lucky? Good parking space? Nice weather? Your favourite song on the radio?
It's there> You just have to look for it wink
Good luck!
Aug 23, 2009
ferinus:
Whats happened? I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out with the girl.. but don't go trying to change yourself for someone.
People don't change, much..
I see it this way, People are a core, and over time many layers of stuff pile upon this core (like layers on an onion to rip shrieks metaphor).
Depression would just be a layer on the core of you, if you managed to chip away at it till it was gone you'd still be the same person, have the same beliefs probably enjoy the same things etc you can't loose your identity you might loose something thats effecting it, but it's certainly not effecting it in a good way so Don't worry about that side of things two much.

Aug 24, 2009

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