maybe more like a lacrosse ball... because the second bounce is usually lower but takes off much faster
I am realizing that I need to just block myself from sending email to the ex, this sums up how I feel now
Okay,
I'm a fucking retard and this is just me venting....
But I every month I write my ex an email. I know I want closure and I know I want her out of my life. I know it can't work and I know I need to move on. However every month my reserves get depleted or something happens to remind me of her (random facebook picture comments even though she is blocked, friends breaking up and confiding in me or just a stupid date creeping my facebook).
So now I'm that crazy asshole. Its only once a month like on a schedule. Everytime I do it I'm in a horrible emotional place and everytime I do it I regret it as soon as I press 'send'. Even after I read it 5-6 times.
I always prided myself in being in emotionally control of myself. I'm very rational person... but I hate it when I get like this. Now I know whatever semblance of pride or strength I've had its totally shot because I can't control myself when I feel down.
I'm so horribly embarrassed. I spent a lot of time a few weeks ago just missing having the fantastic conversations we use to have. I'm that type of person. I really dig people who I can have an insightful conversation with.
Back to that.... OMG, so embarrassed. Over the course of the weekend I grounded myself... vented to some friends looked into getting help. Everything very proactive. But I still can't help but feel shame for falling to my moments of weakness. I am 90% sure I am blocked on her email though... and I'm sure she'd just deleted it if it did get through anyways. I really hope she never reads them (which means I probably will get another facebook notice of a comment on her photo of me).
The good news is I'm | | close to reaching phase 3 on the break up chart. While phase 2 is supposedly the 'longest'... its the worst. I guess I gotta ride out the storm.
++++++++++++++++++++
Despite feeling better. I still have this longing desire to join the army or air force. I want to be incharge of something that costs millions of dollars and is a weapon of mass destruction. I want to know that my biggest danger in life isn't battling traffic at 8:45am getting cut off by some asshole who's boss is going to shit down his/her throat because he/she is 5 mins late.
However, upon further review.... I think I'd just get sucked into doing something techie for the army based off my past professional experience. While I don't want to do it now... I think that if I ever lost my job & couldn't get a teaching job (in web) I would go this route with little hesitation.
P.S.
LOOK A PUPPY!
PPS.
I need a hair cut... AGAIN!
I really how thing get better for you, maybe some of my good mindset will rub off on you D:< Positive thinking through friction!