I don't know what I feel anymore. I'm really adjusting to this new life. I don't like it. Friday night, (and I'd do this again anyways) I went out alone to a bar. I was really surprised at just how hard it is to talk to people when you are by yourself. I know I saw the same girl walk by 3-4 times. I couldn't get myself up to talk to her because I'm thinking 'who the hell am I...'. I just feel like a trashy dude. Honestly, I'd be happy with some high quality conversation.
I left that place trying to find a more stimulating bar. The GPS on my phone was flaking out and I couldn't get directions to the place I wanted to go. When I got home, I saw that it was around the corner from where I was. Either way, it was an okay night that involved beer, wings and a street hotdog.
I want to write more about the ex. I really can't though, I have nothing left to say about it. I'm so surprised it has hurt as much as it has. I guess knowing there was nothing I could to fix things... I don't really regret anything. I wish I flipped out more. I wish I acted more with my feelings. I don't think I could have won either way. I think right now... I maybe 'winning' even though I'm sure I'm the one that feels worse over the whole thing.
At times, I wish she would have replied to one of my emails. To have maintained the dialogue. I really just wanted to 'talk it out'. You know, feel a little better about the whole thing. I am happy there is nothing I can do. If there was something I thought I could do... I'd go nuts.
I was doing great because I had a distraction. I've removed my distraction because of potential volatile situation. For the best, I don't need crazy... I just need to be mended. Coming out of my fog, I feel like I have nerve damage all over my body. I really feel injured and hurt. I'm going to keep going forward... because its the only direction I have. Its the only direction we have really have.... even if it is moving backwards.
*sigh*
So... as part of learning my new life as a Torontonian, I've gone cruising at a bar... I've had a hot dog, got lost and now... I go to the dog park
.
I left that place trying to find a more stimulating bar. The GPS on my phone was flaking out and I couldn't get directions to the place I wanted to go. When I got home, I saw that it was around the corner from where I was. Either way, it was an okay night that involved beer, wings and a street hotdog.
I want to write more about the ex. I really can't though, I have nothing left to say about it. I'm so surprised it has hurt as much as it has. I guess knowing there was nothing I could to fix things... I don't really regret anything. I wish I flipped out more. I wish I acted more with my feelings. I don't think I could have won either way. I think right now... I maybe 'winning' even though I'm sure I'm the one that feels worse over the whole thing.
At times, I wish she would have replied to one of my emails. To have maintained the dialogue. I really just wanted to 'talk it out'. You know, feel a little better about the whole thing. I am happy there is nothing I can do. If there was something I thought I could do... I'd go nuts.
I was doing great because I had a distraction. I've removed my distraction because of potential volatile situation. For the best, I don't need crazy... I just need to be mended. Coming out of my fog, I feel like I have nerve damage all over my body. I really feel injured and hurt. I'm going to keep going forward... because its the only direction I have. Its the only direction we have really have.... even if it is moving backwards.
*sigh*
So... as part of learning my new life as a Torontonian, I've gone cruising at a bar... I've had a hot dog, got lost and now... I go to the dog park
.
mslait:
*huuuuuuug* x
x