wow yesterday was nutz.
I took a few things up that I could fit in the car. Nothing much really... just stuff I've been meaning to throw out... and some stuff I just don't have a place for yet.
My new landlord is a great dude! My dog loves him which makes me feel better about renting it. My dog also liked my dad... which I thought was weird because she hated him the first time they met.
My dad dropped off the bow flex. I am slowly seeing that once i get stuff into the apartment... its going to get small really fast. Luckily the bow flex folds up
. So I'll be working out until 180lbs is not enough. I think the legs well be blasted in no time but we'll see. We also went to ikea where I got a wardrobe. I don't have a closet .
I did really well.. except when as song came on the radio... it makes me sad... really sad. :'(
I brought the dog with me (obviously) to introduce her to the new place so it isn't a shock when we live there. Since she is really bad with separation; it was never an issue since I'm home 90% of the time and our neighbors don't complain... I started training her not to go off when I leave.
I got glared at... snared at.. barked at... but she eventually got it and I was able to walk out and move my stuff in without her freaking out. The training went very well and within 40 minutes I wasn't rushing back to throw water on her. That was until people came in and got her excited. Her barks are so high that the bounce off the walls and pierce your ears. Having her there really helped with my anxiety about being alone. It was already really pleasant just having her there and being forced to look after her. She's already found a favourite space in the apartment! It will be hers.
Yesterday was the first time I let her sit on my lap while I'm driving. I gave her some Gravol (1 mg/lbs of dog) and it really settles her down. It doesn't stop her anxiety of being in a car too long (I think its the heat... no A/C). I played with her so much in the apartment she slept the whole way home. I even extended the trip so she could sleep on my lap a little longer. She didn't want to get off when I actually had to shift gears regularly again. Once home and in bed, she slept on me which she never does (at night while I'm sleeping) which kept me up for a few hours lol.
I didn't get everything done, I'm considering going up Tuesday to do more moving and get the boxes for cable and a cell phone plan.
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I almost did something really stupid the other day. I almost invited my ex to a movie with my friends. I thought it would be okay... but she hasn't replied to my last email. Either it didn't get there, or she doesn't want to talk. I'm trying to respect her space... but I guess I just compartmentalize my feelings to much. I know deep down inside it'll hurt to see her (at least after) but I want to stop negative feelings from developing.
I've also had past experience with an ex not being invited to something 'important' and getting into a big fight over it. I'd invite her, but I think that it would border on inconsiderate/rude/pushy.
================
I took mom out for dinner friday night. We talked a lot and had a good time. She said we talk about me a lot. We talk about her a lot too but I didn't want to fight over it. I really opened up to her and said I was considering getting a number of a councilor or a shrink or someone professional to talk to when I get out there. She said that I'm doing fine... and I will be fine. She said I'm just overly aware of myself and the fact I'm aware of how I'm feeling and how I'm probably going to feel is a good sign because I can work around it.
She says she's also worried about my mental health too because I'm obviously still struggling with the break up and I'll be alone unable to be distracted with people. But she knows I'll be okay.
Overall, I'm not as apprehensive as I was last time. I think I'll be okay once I'm settled and it feels like home.
Time for more budgeting... I'm sure I'll post back sad again lol.
[EDIT]
This is the song that goes right to my heart. Sometime Around Midnight by The Airborne Toxic Event
[UPDATE]
Seriously.... I give the fuck up. Time to just be. I'm not in control... I won't be for a long time.
I took a few things up that I could fit in the car. Nothing much really... just stuff I've been meaning to throw out... and some stuff I just don't have a place for yet.
My new landlord is a great dude! My dog loves him which makes me feel better about renting it. My dog also liked my dad... which I thought was weird because she hated him the first time they met.
My dad dropped off the bow flex. I am slowly seeing that once i get stuff into the apartment... its going to get small really fast. Luckily the bow flex folds up
. So I'll be working out until 180lbs is not enough. I think the legs well be blasted in no time but we'll see. We also went to ikea where I got a wardrobe. I don't have a closet .I did really well.. except when as song came on the radio... it makes me sad... really sad. :'(
I brought the dog with me (obviously) to introduce her to the new place so it isn't a shock when we live there. Since she is really bad with separation; it was never an issue since I'm home 90% of the time and our neighbors don't complain... I started training her not to go off when I leave.
I got glared at... snared at.. barked at... but she eventually got it and I was able to walk out and move my stuff in without her freaking out. The training went very well and within 40 minutes I wasn't rushing back to throw water on her. That was until people came in and got her excited. Her barks are so high that the bounce off the walls and pierce your ears. Having her there really helped with my anxiety about being alone. It was already really pleasant just having her there and being forced to look after her. She's already found a favourite space in the apartment! It will be hers.
Yesterday was the first time I let her sit on my lap while I'm driving. I gave her some Gravol (1 mg/lbs of dog) and it really settles her down. It doesn't stop her anxiety of being in a car too long (I think its the heat... no A/C). I played with her so much in the apartment she slept the whole way home. I even extended the trip so she could sleep on my lap a little longer. She didn't want to get off when I actually had to shift gears regularly again. Once home and in bed, she slept on me which she never does (at night while I'm sleeping) which kept me up for a few hours lol.
I didn't get everything done, I'm considering going up Tuesday to do more moving and get the boxes for cable and a cell phone plan.
================
I almost did something really stupid the other day. I almost invited my ex to a movie with my friends. I thought it would be okay... but she hasn't replied to my last email. Either it didn't get there, or she doesn't want to talk. I'm trying to respect her space... but I guess I just compartmentalize my feelings to much. I know deep down inside it'll hurt to see her (at least after) but I want to stop negative feelings from developing.
I've also had past experience with an ex not being invited to something 'important' and getting into a big fight over it. I'd invite her, but I think that it would border on inconsiderate/rude/pushy.
================
I took mom out for dinner friday night. We talked a lot and had a good time. She said we talk about me a lot. We talk about her a lot too but I didn't want to fight over it. I really opened up to her and said I was considering getting a number of a councilor or a shrink or someone professional to talk to when I get out there. She said that I'm doing fine... and I will be fine. She said I'm just overly aware of myself and the fact I'm aware of how I'm feeling and how I'm probably going to feel is a good sign because I can work around it.
She says she's also worried about my mental health too because I'm obviously still struggling with the break up and I'll be alone unable to be distracted with people. But she knows I'll be okay.
Overall, I'm not as apprehensive as I was last time. I think I'll be okay once I'm settled and it feels like home.
Time for more budgeting... I'm sure I'll post back sad again lol.
[EDIT]
This is the song that goes right to my heart. Sometime Around Midnight by The Airborne Toxic Event
[UPDATE]
Seriously.... I give the fuck up. Time to just be. I'm not in control... I won't be for a long time.
Every one I know who's been to a psychiatrist (if thats the right term) have told me that it's been really helpfull and they've been really glad to have done it.
I've really started wanting my own house/flat recently