I don't necessarily like talking about death, or dealing with death or experiencing death.. but it is inevitably what happens. This truly is an end of an era for me. Not as large as losing all grandparents, but I've lost both grandparents on my fathers side. Today was the visitation.
It may have been disrespectful but me and my cousins seemed to be very laid back. The loss of my grandma was rather sudden and the loss of my grandpa was sudden... but more slow and more 'yo-yo'.
I am only blogging about this because I feel it is worth mentioning. Sometimes I don't blog enough.. sometimes I blog when I shouldn't. Either way...
So, me and my cousins who are relatively not very close, go out to Boston Pizza for wings and such. We're planning this before the service is even over. I think for us we're so use to the inevitable reality that my grandpa was going to die, that this feels like the conclusion rather than rather than the tragedy. The adults were very sad. I can't blame them. There was a nice toy farm set out and a great picture of my grandpa that I never saw before. My grandpa sat there in his coffin silent. Silence is normal for my grandpa. I never listened to him before until my grandma died and I could talk to him more one on one. All the while the feeling it was all too weird. His skin was caked with makeup. He wasn't normally that colour. In a sense... I wish they could get it right. Almost better because I don't want to feel like its 'really him'.
The visitation was great though. Lots of people came out, lots of very kind people. I didn't feel an overwhelming sense of sadness come over me. I felt... neutral. It is sad in every way possible, yet... the lingering sense of inevitability is inescapable. I have a sense that I have a job to do. I must carry my grandpa to his final resting place. I will do it with respect and dignity. I will do it with pride. I will do it... for grandpa.
The other day, my 'dad' called me up and asked me for anything to include in the eulogy. I said nothing.. but really I could say a lot about this man. Even things that should not be said.. but a lot of things that should be said. At times I felt he was very candid with me. I kinda feel like I could say things about the man that no one else would say. And yet, I sit here unable to finish this blog as I think my writing could be better used else where.
It may have been disrespectful but me and my cousins seemed to be very laid back. The loss of my grandma was rather sudden and the loss of my grandpa was sudden... but more slow and more 'yo-yo'.
I am only blogging about this because I feel it is worth mentioning. Sometimes I don't blog enough.. sometimes I blog when I shouldn't. Either way...
So, me and my cousins who are relatively not very close, go out to Boston Pizza for wings and such. We're planning this before the service is even over. I think for us we're so use to the inevitable reality that my grandpa was going to die, that this feels like the conclusion rather than rather than the tragedy. The adults were very sad. I can't blame them. There was a nice toy farm set out and a great picture of my grandpa that I never saw before. My grandpa sat there in his coffin silent. Silence is normal for my grandpa. I never listened to him before until my grandma died and I could talk to him more one on one. All the while the feeling it was all too weird. His skin was caked with makeup. He wasn't normally that colour. In a sense... I wish they could get it right. Almost better because I don't want to feel like its 'really him'.
The visitation was great though. Lots of people came out, lots of very kind people. I didn't feel an overwhelming sense of sadness come over me. I felt... neutral. It is sad in every way possible, yet... the lingering sense of inevitability is inescapable. I have a sense that I have a job to do. I must carry my grandpa to his final resting place. I will do it with respect and dignity. I will do it with pride. I will do it... for grandpa.
The other day, my 'dad' called me up and asked me for anything to include in the eulogy. I said nothing.. but really I could say a lot about this man. Even things that should not be said.. but a lot of things that should be said. At times I felt he was very candid with me. I kinda feel like I could say things about the man that no one else would say. And yet, I sit here unable to finish this blog as I think my writing could be better used else where.
nymeria:
<3<3<3<3<3 I'll make sure you're feeling better when you come over on saturday 