orangeasaurusrex

It's night once again, and I find myself afraid to go to bed. Last night I had another bad dream.. and tonight, I don't expect the same as I rarely dream 4 nights in a row. I don't remember last nights dream.. but coming out of my sleepy haze, I was pretty depressed and I know my dream was a real downer. Best I don't remember it.

I think I got some bad energies plaguing my dreams. I guess this is new for me as I'm use to negativity creeping into my thoughts during the day... things that make me randomly smack my head sometimes... just out of no where.

I guess some people call it depression... I call it my struggle. It's been my struggle and the same battle since as far as I can remember puberty. I remember the doctor saying that my depression won't go away.. in the way that some things don't go away. Kinda like a wart or something... you can keep removing it, but unless you get it professionally removed, it'll keep coming back.

I guess you can't really do that with your brain.... well not yet.... I use to have a wart on my right ring finger. We took some chemicals too it, but it still feels like it's there... kinda like wisdom teeth.

I couldn't imagine having a bi-polar bear. I mean... I guess a bear is a good metaphor for that. But this, I think is more like a growth. I wish I could give it a cute nick name. I know I'm not the only one who has this condition.. and it helps to just know (I didn't know when I was a teenager which made it impossible) that others have this too....

I just wish my dreams were the sanctuary they use to be.

Update:
No bad dream, just another weird one about an overflowing toilet....