Going to a staff party tonight, free food, still pretty hung over, I have to make an appearance. god, i feel so wrecked. GF is down tomorrow, got to get her the new harry potter book, attone for my sins to some degree, im an asshole.
we had been out since seven, and she was magnificent, she wore a smile that made me want to love her always, her new red locks shone magnificent. She spoke with such energy and conviction, i loved it, i truely felt free, free of all inhibitions, all commitments

It's my birthday this week, what do i want?
Just got asked to work tonight and all i can think about is being close to her. 8+8+8+8+8+4.5+8+4 = 56.5 Hours worked by this sunday, I want to Fuck her, please her, make her cum! god why am i so fucking horny, i know this is wrong, she represents everything i want to feel. I need to go for a swim clear my head, get...
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Went for a swim in the sea yesterday, there was no sun, some surfers and a collection of seemingly disassociated people along the shore. I swam out so far, more than i should have really, for a minute i felt as if i had no control i had to fight for breath through every wave, i kept looking back to see if i could see...
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Had three hours sleep last night & at work now, cant even see straight, just trying to stay awake, typing to stay awake
. I think my body is beginning to decay, what am i doing to myself, God!
I feel so lost as if i cant live upto the person I want to be anymore, but did i ever truely want to be that...
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I feel so lost as if i cant live upto the person I want to be anymore, but did i ever truely want to be that...
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Well this is the first time ive actually used the journal, at work now taking a break, had like 4Hrs sleep last night, so iv limited myself to doing all office tasks that dont involve brainpower, ill be busy for the whole day.