Why bother?
I mean honestly...what does it matter. I am realizing that no matter what happens in my life I am never going to be happy. I blamed all my problems on Sask...and now that I am in BC, its beautiful there is so much to do..but I am still unhappy. Mostly cause I am lonely I talked to NO ONE today and it doesn't look good for tomorrow either. and the longer I stay lonely and alone (from people not just a gf) the harder it is to get along. today I didn't even get dressed, it was a beautiful day I should have went out but all I thought about was throwing myself off the balcony. I didn't only because I don't think the fall will kill me only really REALLY hurt so I didn't. don't worry I am not going to do anything stupid, ever since I was sick when I was like 12 I have thought about dying almost every other day...so if I was going to do something about it, it would have been done by now. I am just not scared of dying and even welcome the notion with open arms. I told my dad if my plane should crash don't be upset, don't hate the military don't moarn me...know that I am doing something great, something I love and makes me happy...I know the risks. But honestly I hope somethign happens soon..I hate being in my 30's I hate being single and I don't want to be 80 having someone 20 year old changing my diaper.
On a cool note...my sister legally had her last name changed to ramone it took affect Thrusday...so my sister is a Ramone. She wants me to follow suit. I am thinking about it...my last name and change my middle name ot waht it should be.
so I want my legal name to be Ryan Davern Ramone.
sorry le dook, we hardly knew ya.
I mean honestly...what does it matter. I am realizing that no matter what happens in my life I am never going to be happy. I blamed all my problems on Sask...and now that I am in BC, its beautiful there is so much to do..but I am still unhappy. Mostly cause I am lonely I talked to NO ONE today and it doesn't look good for tomorrow either. and the longer I stay lonely and alone (from people not just a gf) the harder it is to get along. today I didn't even get dressed, it was a beautiful day I should have went out but all I thought about was throwing myself off the balcony. I didn't only because I don't think the fall will kill me only really REALLY hurt so I didn't. don't worry I am not going to do anything stupid, ever since I was sick when I was like 12 I have thought about dying almost every other day...so if I was going to do something about it, it would have been done by now. I am just not scared of dying and even welcome the notion with open arms. I told my dad if my plane should crash don't be upset, don't hate the military don't moarn me...know that I am doing something great, something I love and makes me happy...I know the risks. But honestly I hope somethign happens soon..I hate being in my 30's I hate being single and I don't want to be 80 having someone 20 year old changing my diaper.
On a cool note...my sister legally had her last name changed to ramone it took affect Thrusday...so my sister is a Ramone. She wants me to follow suit. I am thinking about it...my last name and change my middle name ot waht it should be.
so I want my legal name to be Ryan Davern Ramone.
sorry le dook, we hardly knew ya.
VIEW 25 of 30 COMMENTS
cool_spot:
I imagine clean-up afterwards would be something of a bitch, though! 
abstraction:
Yea sometimes life can suck...but look at it this way when you're 80 & some 20 yr old is changing your diaper...you probably won't remember who the hell you are or what is going on...if you're lucky you will be a happy la la land....sort of like full circle enfant to old age diaper to depends. 
