oracle

Why am I so blah? I am constantly tired, I have very little energy. I wish I could sleep but I can't. Even days I can sleep in, I just can't.
I should be excited...Thursday is my last written test..it will be a hard one but thats okay....
I am still getting air sick...not on the airplane but the day after I had a killer headache. I am sitting on so much stress its not even funny. I don't even know why, things should be easing up.
This is a very long hard course....the rewards are worth it but damn...the now is very hard. I don't want to sound like I am complaining because if I didn't really want to be here I wouldn't be here...I just need to vent.

This weekend was hard. I felt so alone, so empty. Again I don't know why, the guys (well a couple of them) are very cool...but I don't know..I wish I had someone significant in my life...like mentioned in past journals, its not even sex I miss...I have pretty much come to grips on not having sex for a long time..and actually I don't even care if I have it...I just want someone to be close to. Someone to go to concerts with, to movies with...for walks in the park with.

I am starting to think I will never be happy. When I am in relationships I find reasons why I don't wnat to be, when I am single I want to be dating someone...when I was an air traffic controller I found it boring, I hated where I was living...now I have a job that is going to be most excellent, its going to be dangerous its going to give me a great rush AND I am going to be living in some great places visiting great places...but yet I am still not happy.


oh and any winnipegers take note...Sloan is playing at cowboys friday night.