oracle

I hate this weather...I want to get out of my house...I want to drive my car, I want to listen to my music....when I say drive my car, I don't mean point it and hit the gas, I mean DRIVE my car. Unfortunately even when the weather is nice here it is very flat and straight and no traffic and no scenery. There is nothing better then starting your car, feeling the engine come alive, the CD player cranked. I love long weekend in Toronto, I would drive to Toronto on a Thursday night to pick up my sister wait til prime time and drive us up to the cottage (our parents house) in Muskoka. Bumper to bumper traffic all moving at about 140km/h (roughly 70mp/h). Feeling your car, every bump, hearing every sound...driving at least 10kms up the road, looking for trouble, looking for that perfect place to pass. Then there is getting home to muskoka..the next day waking up finding the perfect lazy curving road that splits a quiet lake that the boaters haven't woke up to disturb yet...and a thick sleeping forest. Driving your car, the fall leaves blowing up into the breeze behind you as you work your way through the gear box getting the maximum RPM's out my 200hp engine, the windows down, the sunroof open the CD pumping out my fav rock songs...you and the car as one...not just pressing the gas and aiming but feeling it...becoming lost to the outside world, only you, your car and the open road the CD occassionally bringing you back into reality. I imagine myself driving at the Daytona 500, taking the green flag, leading 42 other cars into turn one...racing for 498 miles inches away from other cars travelling at over 200mph...only you and your car in complete control of the other racers...coming around turn 4, the checkered flag insight racing in your rear view mirror keeping the handful of other drivers that were able to keep up with you...
I have been in a Canadian Forces tutor jet, flew it, the power was unbelievable the ride was amazing and yet it pales in comparison to driving...my dream will and always will be to drive a race car if only for one race, anywhere.

So the count down is on. I leave Monday for my land survival course. Gone for 10 days, back for about 4 then gone for 6 months. Things are slowly coming into place, except for one. My feelings the girl are as intense as ever and even though I know she likes my company, I know how great we get along how I think she has many of the same feelings I do...I just feel for whatever reason she is shutting me out. I would like to say its because I am leaving and I think it may be part of the reason, I think even though we conect on almost every level, she isn't attracted physically. I know I am not ugly but I am definately not hot..I am and always have been the guy in the shadows, the forgetable guy. I have never walked into the room and had people notice let alone go wow, who's that guy. I don't blame her one bit, I don't think looks are everythign but they are important. I want to tell her how i feel if at the very least she knows. I mean who wouldn't want to know how great someone thinks you are We have talked about staying in touch, her visiting etc...I get some great vibes and I get some bad ones (bad in the sense that she doesn't share my feeligns) but she always wants to see me, she calls me...I know where I stand but I dont...maybe she is just reserved because I am moving...who knows...I AM 30 WHY ISN'T THIS EASIER....

I am confused, I am tired and I am fasting for a medical tomorrow morning so I can't even drink...DAMMIT

I think I have every emotion in the world in me right now and no way to release it




In memory of wolfmoon98