I used to turn to SG to vent, seek advice and generally just laugh with good people. As the site changes, so do the relationships. I click through the odd blog but most are just pictures, no one really “talks” anymore...well, I feel the need to talk and this is the only place I feel like I can.

Soon I’ll be ending my 18 year career in the military. I am getting out medically, nothing serious, just serious enough to not meet terms of service, which is fine, I’m ready to move on. Like this site, the military is not the same as it was when I first joined, the magic is gone and well, I haven’t lived in my home province for 15 years, I’m ready to pick my own place, my own friends and my own life’s direction. Having said that, I’m scared to death. I have no idea how to be a “civilian” and the prospect of selling my house and buying a new one is frightening. Where do I want to spend the rest of my life (yes, that’s a bit dramatic as I’ll still have free will and will be able to move if I’m not happy but the point of releasing is to not have to move around all the time). I have been looking online but without a guaranteed salary, it’s hard to know what my price range will be. I also don’t know what I want to do for the rest of my life, or “when I grow up.” I am seriously considering becoming a funeral director and that scares me as well as I don’t know very little about the career field... BUT this has been a long journal just to get to what is really bothering me.

I am so very lonely, I have a few drinking buddies but not a lot, I am moving soon so I am not meeting new people to hang out with. I just want to get on with my life, I’m only getting older and it sucks wasting time in a “holding pattern”.

On the upside, I have been having some killer vivid dreams, makes going to bed my favourite time of the day. (or night as it were)