So ya, I just went through my "friends" list on here. Its sad the people that went grey. People that I used to be pretty close to, talk to a lot...and they're gone. Its sad. This place was my addiction, I never went more than 6 hours without spending lots of time on here, making real bonds with people. Although I have been on more and more lately I am not really talking to new people but trying to stay in touch with the friends that are still here.

On a personal note, I don't know whats wrong with me...I really don't, I mean I have some idea but well not totally. Christmas is coming up, a time for family and loved ones to be together. I hate it so much because is just a constant reminder of how alone I am. I am friends with so many girls, but none want to actually be in a relationship with me. I can't even tell you the last time I had sex. I was looking through the boards found a thread "shower together" seeing all the happy couples in love, sharing an intimate moment, it made me sad. I mean, I know I sabotage relationships when I get into them and well, I think the well went dry. For many different reasons. Anyway...it sucks.

I also think I am seriously getting dumber and dumber. Its really bizare and a bit scary.

oh ya and what really sucks is I like this girl, we've talked a bit, hung out a couple of times nothing to serious. Well, I like her but she met this other guy she likes and he isn't interested..last night she was complaining why isn't she good enough and that she hates going unnoticed and in the process she made me feel exactly the same way she did.