oracle

I still want to know why I bother. Life still sucks...and pretty much has for many many years. yes my job is awesome...yes I am very happy to be living in BC (despite being in Nova Scotia right now) but I am still very lonely and it only gets worse. Next weekend is 404/405 squadrons Christmas party. We were invited to go (I belong to 407 Sqn but am on course with 404) but I really don't want to. I HATE going to couple events. Especially more formal things where it is painfully obvious I am alone.

I mean, I know how bad relationships suck...how its enivitable that I'll get hurt etc..but it is killing me to not even have held a girls hand in so long. Which I think is making me even more desperate (and reflecting that to people) ...hell even over christmas I have to leave the barracks here..but I can't go back to Comox, I have no cable and no car til I move back in the spring so it would be tres boring there...but I don't want to go to my parents or to my sisters. My sis is having a new years party..I haven't seen her since spring of 03 but again, her new years party is going to mostly couples.

And even though I am surrounded by people here from comox that are on course as well...I still feel very alone.

Life sucks.