oraaaaange

well, since you asked so nicely...

She calls me at 5:45... we go and get some Humbaw, a Asian Pastry with meat inside it, and then drove to her house. I met her parents, they were really nice and come to find out they are good friends with some people from my church. So, we go kayaking, and she's just full of energy and trying to get splashed, we are on a lake and we paddle into waves made by boats. we talk about everything. she tells me that she wants to be a mommy, and she always felt like she'd marry young, which I thought was interesting I tell her my dream is to be a husband too.

anyways, we go to the local chic coffeehouse before I have to go to work, and we start a game of chess, clearly, we aren't interested in playing, we move maybe 5 times a piece and stop. I have this thing where, I can't whisper. I try, but when I'm excited my voice gets normal loudness. so, we were sitting cross from each other but we scoot next to each other. I'm really close to her, and we start talking about her ring, which is a kind of plain promise ring. she takes it off, I look at it, and I put it back on her finger... she has this something on her face, so I reach up to clear it off, and she doesn't jerk away or anything... So we are talking about relationships and how in the world I have never dated... and I tell her that I'm kind of lost for how this is supposed to go, and by way of example, I tell her I'd like to hold her hand but don't know how to go about doing that....

and then she pulls her hand away! body language totally changes, she crosses her arms. I tell her, " I want to be honest with you. I really like you, I think you have a wonderful personality and are very cute (I'd also complimented her eyes and spent a lot of time looking at them). But I don't want to rush into a relationship with you, have it be all hot and heavy, and then bam you're gone to school out of state and I'm left alone here. that wouldn't be good for either of us." I explain that I want the chance to "date" (though really, if we became close, I'd probably just propose, say, 6 months from now anyways) her but I want to know her more. I ask her how she feels about me. She insists that she's a bad person for me to date and that she'd probably hurt me. she's worried that I'd be stupid if I dated her because I'd "waste my first kiss on her" and stuff. Then she says that she was in a couple of relationships before, last year, and they were bad. the last one was abusive and she wasn't proud of her behavior. I think she feels that she's not good enough for me because of some of the personal lines she crossed in the last relationship; also the guy told her some very terrible lies about herself and she has ended up believing them. she didn't tell me what, but I'm guessing he got her do do some things sexually she didn't want to, and then called her a slut and made fun of her for her part in it. She does say she likes me, and would consider dating me; but she doesn't feel it's the right time, and I'd have to agree with her. besides, really it's not how I'd like to be doing things. So we agreed to get to know each other and then after she's had some time to grow and work out her stuff, we might give it a try.

She drives me home, and as I'm getting out of the car, I tell her I'll call her in a few days. She says "you don't have to wait a few days..."

She is amazing. I can't begin to describe how awesome I find her. her personality, her spiritual background, her things she does for fun, all compliment mine. I think we'd give each other amazing balance. Not to mention she's so beautiful, and it's a totally unique beauty. I've seen very pretty girls in my life; Some very sexy girls. But this is different, it's hard to put into words, but it's better than everything. she doesn't even wear makeup, and she's simply radiant.

Oh, and did I mention she's a Christian too?