optimism

So, space. I have this whole space to write about stuff. I gave her space.

The last while I've been busy with things. Too many to feel inclined to post. I'd rather post about positive things, namely my love life, but it's not.

See, I gave her space because she said she wasn't ready for a relationship. I told her I would be there if she changed her mind. I was trying to be supportive. Trying to not fuck it up. Trying to be a gentleman. Trying to follow my heart, too. I was a fool.

She met some guy a week and a half ago, and according to her myspace, is now "in a relationship". I didn't even register that much. I didn't matter enough for even that small consideration. She lied to me. She might not even think she hurt me, too. I guess this all makes her not worth it, not worth my time, not worth caring for, not worth my energy.

I guess so, but it still hurts. I liked her. I really did. I fell. I'll have to pick myself back up and move on, but it seems to get harder every time. It probably doesn't but it seems that way.

So where do I go? I'll probably tell her I'm hurt. I would have appreciated the truth oh so much more. I'll tell her that too. Maybe she'll feel bad. Good. Maybe we'll still be friends, maybe not. I don't know. I don't think I care about that right now.

Fuck I'm such a fool. Such a sucker. Why do I only see the good things? I actually know the answer to that. If I looked for the bad things, I would be looking for an excuse to get out of it before I got hurt. I choose love though. I choose to try for the home run, to have it all. I choose to be the fucking chump.

I'm not bitter. Just hurting right now. I'll get over it. I always do.