opticnerve

I got an A on my first assignment for the graduate school course on Artificial Intelligence I'm taking. Fourteen years out of school, and I'm still turned on when some authority figure gives me an arbitrary letter grading for my work. It feels better than a sloppy blow-job from Rachel Leigh Cook.

Well, not quite as pleasurable, but it's a real close approximation.

I hereby decree March 5th to be Tell A Lawyer Joke Day, in honour of Mary Jane Richards being such an incredible douche.

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Three. The rest are true stories.

Q: What do you call 25 lawyers parachuting out of an airplane?
A: Skeet.

Q: An honest lawyer, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and a...
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I read the signs wrong. Again. I really hate dating.

The anniversary of having my heart crumpled like the front-end of a car in a head-on collision with an eighteen wheeler is coming up. One year ago next Thursday, Mary Jane told me over the phone that she couldn't marry me because she loved someone else. I gotta say that I'm pretty happy at this...
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So, Sandy, my neighbour, wasn't flirting with me, despite the seemingly amorous Valentine's Day card. That much was made clear to me when I met her boyfriend.

BUT.

I went on a date with a cute lady the other night, and for the first time since I met Mary Jane, I'm swooning because of a girl. And no, she's not a lawyer.

You know what tickles me pink? Alan Greenspan, one of the major opponents against regulation of credit default swaps, is now advocating nationalization of the US banking system. Oh, and that hawk of conservatism, Lindsay Graham, is also laying the groundwork for building support for a government takeover of some, if not all, of the major national banks. Hmmm, and Obama is the molly-coddling socialist?...
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I really should try to finish this school assignment, but I figured you needed to know these twenty-five facts about me:

1. I program video games. I get paid a ridiculous amount of money to be a geek.

2. There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love David Lee Roth Van Halen and those who love Sammy Hagar Van Halen. I'm...
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So. My date for tonight canceled on me.

Who wants to meet for drinks later?

So, my neighbour, she's a twenty-something neuroscience graduate student at Brandeis. I've helped her on a couple of occasions - her homework, clearing her home of some rowdy party-goers and driving her to the airport. Tonight, when I came home, I found that she had left me some chocolate chip cookies in my mailbox, with a card that had the following message:

Do I look like a dork in this picture?

So, today, I had to run a demo of our game for Todd MacFarlane, one of the art directors on the project. I'm not a fan of his work, but the fact that I was in the same room as the guy who co-created Venom and drew Batman: Year 2 gave me a geek boner like...
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You know, I really hate Coldplay, but the one song I can play reasonably well on the guitar is 'Yellow'. Go figure.

I'm fucking procrastinating. I think it's time to go back to the start.