So this may be a bit of a blabbering blog, I do apologise for my talking of shite in advance (as usual). But on a serious note, today I wanted to share with y’all my modelling journey and the impact it’s had on my self esteem and life in general.
I started modelling about 2 1/2 years ago now. Before this I was a rather conflicted person. On one hand, I preached this philosophy that everyone should show love and compassion to themselves and celebrate the uniqueness in their appearances, yet on the other hand there I was desperately trying to be someone I wasn’t. I had such a strong sense of self (supposedly) in what I liked and what I stood for, yet every week I was obsessively trying to look like another pretty girl who I assumed was better than me simply because she looked different. I was stuck in this horrible mindset of ‘I can either be butt ugly or the most attractive person in the room- I’m not comfortable with anything else’. And yes, this was mostly due to my diagnosis of BPD, and I am lucky enough now to have had the chance to go through many years of intensive therapy for it. But, regardless of this, I feel that modelling was still a huge part of accepting who I am now.
You see, when you get a great photographer to take pictures of you, and you see the results, your interpretation of those ‘problematic’ parts of your appearance changes because they have been turned into a work of art. Instead of feeling disgust at the way my tummy hangs, when I receive amazing pictures back from a shoot, I can appreciate the curves and shapes as a unique form of art. I see so many other models in my journey through modelling, and after a while you begin to see that not one of them can make the same shapes with their bodies. They are all completely unique from skin tone and texture to body shape to hair colour, and that’s what makes them a joy to photograph. If all models looked exactly the same, there would be no call for the industry- especially nude and alternative modelling!
So when you look back at your pictures- even your mirror selfies- instead of picking out self declared ‘imperfections’ in a negative light, try to notice the shapes, the curves and the textures you can make with your body, and take some time to appreciate that you, yourself, are a work of art.
Years ago, I would have picked myself to death over these photos. Today they are some of my greatest achievements.
Photo credit:
Top two- Femi Odelusi
Middle- @miro
Bottom- Connie Taylor
