So I guess this is gonna be one of those typical gal nag-fests, but as most of you probably know, being a woman in the game of life these days is basically pre-loaded with booby traps to make you feel crappy about your body, even down to the tiniest, oddest things. For example, for years I was mad self-conscious about my eyebrows, and it got even worse when my ex girlfriend called them 'comma-slugs'. As in big hairy slugs that were shaped like a pair of horizontal ' 's. I mean, at least she was exercising her creativity, I'll give her that- it was quite a statement. Anyway, enough nattering.
Recently, I've put on quite a bit of weight. And although I embrace this because all bodies are damn sexy (plus I know that personally I like women with a squidgy tummy), it makes me feel odd looking back on my old modelling photos where I was a dress size or two smaller with a flat stomach. I feel stupid saying that because I know that size doesn't equal sexiness, but I think it's just a sense of weird dysphoria as I used to be able to model full time back then, whereas now I struggle. And I guess, as much as you try to bathe yourself in self love, other people's reactions affect you. On top of this, I had to get the paw tattoo on my boob (which was covering a scar anyway) covered up a while back now as it turns out the artist had stolen art for it and I didn't want to get into shit from appearing in magazines with it (plus I got a tsunami of messages from weird old men on Instagram asking if I was into beastiality- I am very much not), and the design that covered it ended up fading into what looks like a big black blob from the distance. Which was, to be fair, my fault, as I asked the tattoo artist to cover it with something as small as she possibly could, it was a dark tattoo to start with, and it was the scar tissue underneath that made it bleed so much. But now I have the dilemma that I can't get more light colour added to it as the tattoo underneath is already starting to show through a bit and I don't want to draw more attention to it, and I can't get it lasered as it's right on my boob, and I wouldn't want to offend the artist, who is a friend. And I can't think of what else I could get it shaped into as it's so close to my nipple and so dark. So the combo of those two things is making me feel a bit rubbish at the moment I guess.
I'm trying to give myself a pamper night to show love to my body, and I'm hoping that when my body feels good my mind will feel better too.
One thing I suggest for all of you girls going through the same body issues is to think of just one thing that you love about your body. It doesn't have to be based on conventional beauty, it can be something that your body is great at too. For example, if you're a runner then perhaps you love how strong your legs are? Perhaps you love a tattoo you have, or have a cute freckle?
For me I love my eyes. And I guess that's a step in the right direction :)
