oo7

COCKAMAMIE

According to World Wide Words, cockamamie means "Something ridiculous, incredible or implausible." That sounds about right to me. Emphasis on the "ridiculous" definition. I would even go so far as to say "absurd" or "ridiculous to the point of becoming annoying." And supposedly it has a French origin, which might explain part of my affinity for it.

In 1993's movie "In the Line of Fire," Frank Horrigan [Clint Eastwood] turns to a young Al D'Andrea [Dylan McDermott] and tells him to knock off "this cockamamie crap." Or maybe it was "bullshit." (See below for proper uses) Shortly after that comment, Horrigan tells D'Andrea to maybe use the word "cockamamie" a bit to keep it alive.[FN1] 13 years later, I'm still doing my part, dammit. I'm doing my part because D'Andrea died before he could continue sprinkling cockamamie's into his everyday speech. And Horrigan went on to save the President's life in that movie and sleep with Rene Russo back when she was hot. So dammit, if Horrigan wants the word "cockamamie" to hang around, I'm going to damn well do it!

But the true source of my love of "cockamamie" is just how it can be used. It is very limited in it's application so therefore the use of the term must be precise. I believe that cockamamie is best utilized only in conjunction with the following five words:
1) scheme
2) idea
3) crap
4) shit
5) bullshit

Illustrative dialogue:
RON: Harry, I don't want to get expelled from Hogwarts thanks to another one of your cockamamie schemes!
HARRY: Shut up, Ron! I'm tired of your cockamamie bullshit! Grow a pair and help me out!

There may be other words that work (e.g. horseshit), but the applications of cockamamie are definitely limited. Please let me know if you think of any other proper uses because I would like to feature this one a bit more in my repetoire. Of course, the limited use does make any occassion where "cockamamie" is used a special occassion. I like to celebrate with a 12 pack of Natty Ice. And if you think that's a cockamamie idea, then my work here is done!
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FN1: This footnote is for those of you who remember "In the Line of Fire" and who want to tell me that Horrigan was just trying to calm down D'Andrea by making a joke about "cockamamie" rather than actually ensure that "cockamamie" lives on in the English language. Sure, it was a joke at the time. But a little bit later when Horrigan watches helplessly as John Malkovich put a couple bullets into D'Andrea's skull... well it wasn't a joke then, was it?!?! And did I mention that Horrigan saved the President's life in that movie? And did I mention that Horrigan slept with Rene Russo back when she was hot? OK, so why don't you stop this cockamamie crap and help spread the love?!?!?