onida

The moment of truth.

Right before I take the leap. This Saturday, I am checking into treatment in Minnesota for five months. I can't live like this anymore. I'm not even living.

I am dying.

But I am also dying to live. And I want sobriety more than ever. This time around I have truly hit rock bottom. I am suffocating in my guilt and pain, but it has led me to take a courageous step to change my life.

I can do this. I'm gonna make it.

Everything happens for a reason. I feel that I had to suffer and fall to get to where I am now, to make the decision that I have made. It took every high, every comedown, every fight, and every tear to get to this point.

There isn't going to be another set of track marks, there isn't going to be another coin to flip over. This is my chance. A wonderful opportunity to gain peace and happiness. And I'm not going to be selfish and ignorant and let it pass by. God is dropping this in my lap. I am blessed.

And for that I am thankful.

This time, I have an army of supporters to fight this battle with me. I am not alone. I am surrounded by love and concern and guidance. I have so many people who are going to catch me if I start to teeter. And this includes all of you as well. The SG community has done so much for me and helped me bloom into the rose that I always wanted to become.

Thank you everyone for all your support. If I get a chance to use a computer in treatment, I will post and let you know how I'm doing. If not, I'll be back in March and be prepared for many new sets with a healthy Mariya who is strong, vibrant, and as always, resilient.

Love,

Mariya