onesecondmore

i feel increasingly as if i will be one of those people who ends up alone for life.

the thing is, i don't know if that's entirely bad.
the experiences i've had in past relationships leave a pretty sour taste in my mouth. i'd like to have someone to spend time with, sure. but it really is just more time and energy than i feel willing to spend, only to find myself being the only one trying, and getting left alone again.

maybe i just don't trust people so much anymore. maybe i go after the wrong kind of girl, or the wrong kind of girl goes after me.

i absolutely hate being alone, but it beats being cheated on, lied to, or otherwise disrespected. i most certainly haven't been the model boyfriend to any of my exes, but i certainly feel i deserved better than what i got from them. i did the best i could with what i had( all i could really give them was myself). unfortunately, my best so far hasn't been good enough in anyone's eyes.

i know more people who will say i'm a good guy than those who call me an asshole, but sometimes it makes me wonder if it IS me who fails in the relationship and not the other way around.

ultimately i know that people are going to do what they're going to do and things happen beyond any kind of control. it doesn't mean i have to like it.