oneirogen

I am fucking tired. Night shift tired. Work tired. Life tired. I am like a zombie right now. Or maybe a machine. Everyday is exactly the same: wake up, work out, drink coffee, read/watch movie/internet, work, sleep. The only variety I get is what workout I do and what I read or watch. Oh, sometimes I go to the PX and that is a big treat for me.
My contempt for the people I work for has grown by leaps and bounds. But I cannot abide people who smile in your face and tell you all is well and consistently shit on you. At least have the balls and decency to tell the truth to someone. I am a big boy and will respect that more than the lies.
Some personnel shit from back home took the wind out of me.
My nightmares have been kicking back up heavily. I am out of bed and freaked out at least once a night. It is so hard to pull myself out of that sleep and those nightmares. I have to get up or I fall right back in.
I have been so tired because of all that shit. But I keep pounding along. Trying to maintain my focus and get where I need and want to be.
It takes my being at work at least 2 hours before I kind of settle in and get at ease. That is not a good thing. I am reaching the end of my rope.