So, I'm still working on dropping cigarettes, and replacing my old habit with vaping. It was going pretty well until Saturday night. I'm not sure what happened, but I feel like one of the vape juice bottles I had was improperly labeled, as I went into pretty serious withdrawal which has triggered my least favorite friend: clinical depression.
This stupid illness has plagued me for more than half my life now, and it is the one thing that has always stood in the way of me being able to quit this damn habit.
It got so bad, that at 3 in the morning, I bolted out of the house in search of an open gas station, and bought another fucking pack of these idiotic things.
Awkwardly, my roommate's best friend (who brought some of her things up from NC) was there, and still awake, so she caught me with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. Long story short, she pretty much made me talk to her for a while (which talking about my feelings has never been fun, but you add depression to that and it makes for one uncomfortable night). I don't really remember what I said, but as I was pretty damn depressed at the time, and based on her reactions (those I actually remember), I'm pretty sure what I said was some pretty dark/concerning shit.
So, I'm still working on quitting, but now I'm just afraid that I'll have another bout again.
Sorry for the mopey blog, I just felt the need to write this down somewhere.
