so here i am in vermont, and its about to be midnight.
i'd say life got a little more interesting, and a lot more boring.
where to start where to start. instead of staying up through all hours of the night, ive been living the quaint life, and actually getitng up in the morning when it starts to get light outside. usually around 430-5am. you may think im fucking nuts, but then again, i'd probably agree.
as soon as i get up every morning, my mom and i go walking down at the local hih school track. even though my back is killing me to walk that much, i still get it done. usually i try to make my morning rounds of calling up my insomniac friends, including pyro
. but even then, a lot of times no one is up and i cry because im arone. while walking. thank you god for ipod and my 3 thousand songs.
each day usually consists of doing odds and ends, then usually something big. yesterday i had to go to my cousin's wedding. i love my cousin to death, but i fucking HATE going to weddings. really, i just hate mingling. i loathe nothing more than standing around talking to people nonstop talking about what a shitty life i have, and how i've been doing nothing of interest over the last 4 years that they've seen me. i always get the feeling that my life is pathetic compared to theirs. then theres that awkward silence after both people are done conversing; the silence when there's nothing more to be said to the other.when i was younger i used to love mingling. i loved to be the center of attention. now that im older and medicated, i cant stand being the center of attention. i'd rather sit in the corner and observe.
one of the things that has slightly bothered me is the humor i find in life in general. i guess i've grown up with is, the best way to deal with life is to take everything with a grain of salt; shift everything 10 degrees over, and suddenly everything is funny. i guess that helps deal with grief. take my grandmother for instance. she' probably only has a few more years to live before the alzheimers takes over completely. as it is she has almost no short term memory. when she addresses me, she says "eric scott steven sean." just yesterday, she was started a sentence, forgot halfway through, and ended the sentence with what she started with. i know i shouldnt find it funny, and in fact, i should find it depressing, but i cant help but laugh. last night she reminded me four times to turn off the fan before i went to bed, even though she had turned it off before she went to bed. i guess i just like dark comedy.
every night i drive ten minutes into town to talk on my cell. i have to drive into town because you get shit for a cell signal where my grandmother lives. it blows. on the brighter side of things, in four days im going out to kiley's house, and im going to be having a fucking blast
things are looking up.
well the dialup will only last for so long, so im going to end the blog right here. i miss SG chat so much
i'd say life got a little more interesting, and a lot more boring.
where to start where to start. instead of staying up through all hours of the night, ive been living the quaint life, and actually getitng up in the morning when it starts to get light outside. usually around 430-5am. you may think im fucking nuts, but then again, i'd probably agree.
as soon as i get up every morning, my mom and i go walking down at the local hih school track. even though my back is killing me to walk that much, i still get it done. usually i try to make my morning rounds of calling up my insomniac friends, including pyro
. but even then, a lot of times no one is up and i cry because im arone. while walking. thank you god for ipod and my 3 thousand songs.
each day usually consists of doing odds and ends, then usually something big. yesterday i had to go to my cousin's wedding. i love my cousin to death, but i fucking HATE going to weddings. really, i just hate mingling. i loathe nothing more than standing around talking to people nonstop talking about what a shitty life i have, and how i've been doing nothing of interest over the last 4 years that they've seen me. i always get the feeling that my life is pathetic compared to theirs. then theres that awkward silence after both people are done conversing; the silence when there's nothing more to be said to the other.when i was younger i used to love mingling. i loved to be the center of attention. now that im older and medicated, i cant stand being the center of attention. i'd rather sit in the corner and observe.
one of the things that has slightly bothered me is the humor i find in life in general. i guess i've grown up with is, the best way to deal with life is to take everything with a grain of salt; shift everything 10 degrees over, and suddenly everything is funny. i guess that helps deal with grief. take my grandmother for instance. she' probably only has a few more years to live before the alzheimers takes over completely. as it is she has almost no short term memory. when she addresses me, she says "eric scott steven sean." just yesterday, she was started a sentence, forgot halfway through, and ended the sentence with what she started with. i know i shouldnt find it funny, and in fact, i should find it depressing, but i cant help but laugh. last night she reminded me four times to turn off the fan before i went to bed, even though she had turned it off before she went to bed. i guess i just like dark comedy.
every night i drive ten minutes into town to talk on my cell. i have to drive into town because you get shit for a cell signal where my grandmother lives. it blows. on the brighter side of things, in four days im going out to kiley's house, and im going to be having a fucking blast
things are looking up.
well the dialup will only last for so long, so im going to end the blog right here. i miss SG chat so much
killerclair:
i find it is useful to have a good sense of dark humour to help yourself through lifes more depressing moments. or, thats is what i tell myself at least.