one_pure_thought

Moving on is hard.
I hate knowing that I value all the people around me more than they value me.
That's gotta be something that i do to myself right?
Either way, I feel like I've hit a dead end with a bunch of people I know and have been congregating with. Now the question is do I walk away from that group of people and remove myself or still keep running in place waiting for the school year to end in a couple weeks, which is the point where we all say goodbye. I think I'll probably just stay put for now, and then say my goodbyes to all of them after its all over.

What sucks is that I've been putting a lot of time and effort making up this package to send to a friend as sort of surprise, but it's meaning is going to be lost. She has a livejournal and in it she recounted all the people who were at the place and all the highlights of the night. I was there and we talked and I did some things that i thought were worthy of notice, but there was no notice of me in her live journal. The only reason for this i can see is that I don't mean enough to someone to be put in there.
It's not like this is a big shock, but this is the first real proof that she doesn't enjoy my company. In fact, with all the other little hints i'm getting from her she probably dislikes me. I'll still send the stupid package, but I know it's meaning is going to be falling on deaf ears...which is the story of my life.

This summer is going to blow so much balls for these reasons. All the people I thought I was going to be friends with didn't work out. I mean there still might be some people that I'll visit to say hello, but nothing to the point where someone will try to contact me to hang out.
Summer means happiness for a lot of people, but for me it's like solitary confinement in a prison. There is no purpose to my life in the summer. I wake up, I watch tv, I go to bed. I don't interact with people outside my family. I hate the summer.
I'll try to get a job, but that's what i did the last two summers and neither times did that work out...well see how the bullshit works itself out this time.