First of all I want to say how much I am in love with these homework assignments for all of us. It is an amazing window into what all these beautiful ladies think about.
My story starts sometime in high school. My best friend, aka my Pony Twin (we got our My Little Pony tattoo's together to celebrate a decade of friendship), told me point blank that I should be a Suicide Girl. I didn't have any clue what she was talking about so she showed me. I was full of mixed emotions. Part of me said "Yes! Finally I've found somewhere I belong!" and the other part of me said "You are no where near as beautiful as those girls. There is no way they would accept you". There was no way at 18 that I had enough confidence in myself to apply. Plus I always gave myself excuses, the most common being "I work with kids, and for the city, so if this gets out I'm screwed". Then to top it off, I went through a few relationships with boys, not men but boys, who would not even begin to support me.
That all leads me to a few months ago, when my good friend and handy dandy photographer @taylerchristine offhandedly made a facebook comment along the lines of, "I really love shooting boudoir sets. I'd also like to shoot Suicide Girl stuff. If only I had a hot model with tattoos." (I might have paraphrased that, but you get the idea). It probably took about a month, and a whole lot of support from the people around me telling me that I had what it takes before I was brave enough to tell her I wanted to do it.
From there it was a matter of figuring out where to shoot, when to shoot and what to wear. I discovered that I had no worries about being naked in front of a camera, but I scrunch up my face oddly and still don't quite know what to do with my body. I'm also a sarcastic brat, so while I know I had fun, I can only hope she had fun.
After that I had to apply. And one of the questions is why do you want to be a Suicide Girl? And I found myself with a ready answer. This is where I belong. For all of my life, I've been the very quirky, not afraid to make a fool of themselves, outgoing one in a group. This, as some of you can imagine, has its drawbacks. Not everyone feels comfortable around someone like that. Especially when you add in a heavy dose of sarcasm and dark humor. But the beautiful thing about Suicide Girls, is that everyone is accepted here. So rather than filter myself, and ensure that I say and do things that don't make people uncomfortable, I can be exactly who I am. And that is truly why I am here. Yes love tattoo's and piercings. Yes I love "alternative lifestyles". And of course I love beautiful women. But beyond all that, being able to be surrounded by people who have gone through what I have gone through, or think about things like I do is amazing.
I know that I'm not pink yet. But if that changes, my reason for being here will not change. I love it here and will continue to be a part of this community.
