I have been bad about posting, I know. Been in kind of a weird place, mentally and emotionally.
I was in a shitty relationship at the beginning of the year. I was suicidal; unhealthy as it is, suicide fantasies were my coping mechanism. They were my happy place.
Months after the relationship ended, I'm feeling back to myself.....but still, anytime I feel upset or out of control, I go back to suicide. It's trained so deeply into me I don't know how to get it out.
It just eats at me.
You know when you spend months feeling agitated and malcontent, and you can't figure out why?
Well I finally figured out why.
Nobody believes me.
Nobody stands up for me. Nobody takes me seriously. They see my situation as distant drama, and refuse to acknowledge how real and destructive it is.
I've lost trust in my friends. I feel completely isolated.
Everyone is so busy playing politics that they haven't stopped to be concerned that I've been broken, and I can't collect the pieces on my own. I need someone beside me. I need someone behind me. I need someone who is with me, fully on my side.
I was in a shitty relationship at the beginning of the year. I was suicidal; unhealthy as it is, suicide fantasies were my coping mechanism. They were my happy place.
Months after the relationship ended, I'm feeling back to myself.....but still, anytime I feel upset or out of control, I go back to suicide. It's trained so deeply into me I don't know how to get it out.
It just eats at me.
You know when you spend months feeling agitated and malcontent, and you can't figure out why?
Well I finally figured out why.
Nobody believes me.
Nobody stands up for me. Nobody takes me seriously. They see my situation as distant drama, and refuse to acknowledge how real and destructive it is.
I've lost trust in my friends. I feel completely isolated.
Everyone is so busy playing politics that they haven't stopped to be concerned that I've been broken, and I can't collect the pieces on my own. I need someone beside me. I need someone behind me. I need someone who is with me, fully on my side.
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Sorry to hear you're going through this.
The one positive I can say is that you know the people who do believe you are good and caring friends, so definitely look to them for support when you start feeling suicidal....even if they are not, as was said before, part of that social circle.
Maybe it's time to look outside that social circle? I'm bad at advice for this, because my response when it happened to me, was to just wall myself up and shut everyone out.
Not really a great move on my part, so I wouldn't suggest it for anyone else.