oleanderpowder

Tonight I finally cry out. For this can be hard to bare on my own. So far from home. Friends and family. There is despair in my heart tonight. I feel trapped and bitter for it. So much welling up inside of me. I don't know if I am strong enough to hold this hurt much longer. who am I? Watching days pass me by. A slow decay, a slow death. Makeup on, makeup off. Did I settle for this seedless flower.... am I wilting now from lack of desire? Slowly poisoned like the apple. Bite down in and make me humble. I have not seen much of the world, yet I fear so much in so little time of living. I no longer live in the past... I suppose now I live in the future. Turning my back on the present because it brings me nothing. with or without you I am sick. rolling past running fast. In a state where only pain can touch me. fishing for something to pass the time. It's dragging me on and on and on and on. Too selfish to see, to dead to know. Anything but this? Anywhere but here? Fading out. This is not living.