oldgreeneyes

I'm so bummed today. I feel like a real outcast. I may be without a job in a couple of weeks as my personality has clashed too much with two other assholes in the lab. We're all male in a mostly female lab and it's a stupid fucking pissing contest between us with the senior guys winning. My ego is getting in the way of their egos and I'm stepping on their toes and they're sucessfully appealing to the supervisor that I'm the one that has to go in order for there to be peace in the lab. I think they need to stop being assholes and pansies about this that or the other, but that's making me the difficult one. I'm fucked. I'm so fucked. She, the supe, says she'll give me until March 15th but I should look elsewhere and take any opportunity that arises because chances are that she will not be renewing my contract. It just doesn't look good and I feel like shit. It totally sucks.



I'm in a bad state mentally and I'm trying to be positive and wise up about this whole thing. I realize that life is not fair and that I must learn to accept reality. I'm having a hard time even comprehending it. I feel like I'm such a mental case. Retard or something. I'm just so despondent. This has happened to me 3 times now in 2 or so years. I'm clearly the problem, but I'm having a hard time learning how to fix myself.



I'm going to eat a bit and then head out to do some volunteering for a few hours.

Contributing to others (patients and med staff) to loose my sense of self for a while and get off my pity pot. I need to be around some smart people (the med staff) for a while that might wake my ass up. Because I need a clue!

Okay. I just got my daily reminder at it's so true. "The only way things are going to change in your life is if you change".
I totally agree. But it's really friggin hard and I'm not changing fast enough. This is the miserable life of one with borderline personality disorder. It sucks.