oinkers

This blog is mostly about ranting, though nobody ever commented. I feel like it so screw it I'll do it anyway. I'm pretty pissed off right now. Pissed off at myself, pissed about a work colleague, pissed off at life for giving be so much trouble ever single winter. When it's not seasonal depression, it's work schedule that sucks like last year that I didn't work for 3 weeks...no, this year everything was doing fine. At work we had hours, I was dealing with rear impulsivity...reasonably I'd say, not buying things I couldn't afford...still paying last year's debts...which is why I was fine with buying an iPhone and a flat screen...but today I lost my job.

Why have I lost it? Cuz of impulsivity. I thought i had a good idea to count my cah register since I had nothing else to do...no keys, no worries I used a pair of scissors (which works fine). I'm no thief, I didn't steal anything but it cost me my job...so much for being honest...I'm gonna have to check cuz I hear they couldn't fire me without giving me 2 weeks or something like that...let's hope!

My boss asked me why I was so pokerfaced . I asked what she wanted me to do when I'm being told I'm fired? Punch through a wall, start crying in front of her, throwing a chair across the hall? cuz that's all I was asking for...if only I didn't have good manners...

Now how am I going to tell my parents...

Back home,thoughts are going through my mind, so what do I do now. My head is telling me to get shitfaced...past alcoholic I know I have to be careful with those thoughts, only for fun once in a while and not in those moments. At the same time, why not roll a joint, it'll make you sleep without any trouble and you'll sop thinking...stopped because I was starting to have those thoughts too often but it had to come back it seems...I could convince myself somehow that those two were a big no no...now I'm craving a damn cigarette! FML...just leave me alone I wanna cry...damn I hate winters!

Someday I'll go see someone cuz I'm really fucked in the head...