ohsoordinary

surviving christmas is the hard part. . . really..... its almost over and then things can improve. and they will. there will be more light. your mind will become clearer, ., all by itself. finances are less important than you think. you ll find a way. step by step you can get all the things you want. ive been quite rich. and ive been quite poor (mostly the latter). theres not as much difference between them as most people think. i know it sounds like a dumb cliche but its in the heart that counts.

e.g.

im preparing a month-long training program now. its a huge job: its dance classes, but also lectures on things like video chip architecture. its also electronics and zen meditation. see its an amazing workshop, it integrates a lot of things. it will be extremely dense and highly structured. now heres the thing.: theres only one student coming! . someone ive never met. just a grad student from england. i call her student X. because my philosophy is that if i do this thing right, , , , it must be universal. it must appeal to the basic things in human nature. because the things that good teaching and learning are based on are universal: things like discipine. focus. master/disciple relationship. respect. patience. not mixing work and play. basic things.

ive never done this before. oh ive taught a lot. just never like this!!! never with this integrated approach. never with an entire syllabus. im pretty excited about it. also scared. its actually a huge challenge. i know it is. especially alone.

so ill earn very little. but maybe i will earn... self confidence. self respect. maybe ill learn myself.

the one we spoke about last time.,
she wasnt my X. my x and i get along great. She was my obsession. call her my "o". see, i have an x and an o. now i can play tick tack toe! i never see either of them. i never see anyone.
(i try to write her something at least every six months, o, but sometimes i chicken out. you never know. you have to do what you can in this life)