ohash

Yes, I am still alive. Everything in my world has been crazy lately. I have been out of town and running around over the weekends, work has been nuts, school has been nuts, I have been having personal problems, friends have been having personal problems, I had papers and projects due, and now it's finals week.

I am so stressed and out of it that when I was running an errand on campus today, I parked, got out of the car, fed the meter, went and bought printer ink, came back out, realized my keys weren't in my purse, saw them in the ignition and went "OH FUCK!", then I realized the car was still running and unlocked. I had been in the store on campus for 15 minutes with my car running and unlocked. I am REALLY glad it wasn't stolen. REALLY glad.

I will be spending the majority of time in the evenings this week studying. I have one final tomorrow and the other 2 on Thursday. Tomorrow should be no problem. The first on Thursday should kick my ass, and the second should be just fine. Business finance kills me. Ugh. My job sets me loose with a couple million dollars a year...I can clearly operate a business in the black...why must I learn all the theories and other crap? For me, it's really hard to learn backwards...I have already developed a system and procedures. Learning it after I learn how to do it just really seems to confuse me. It was the same with Accounting last quarter.

I feel like I haven't had a minute to breathe in weeks. I am really close to the "cranky Ash" point where I just start yelling at people. So, when finals are over, I think I will be taking Friday off work and I honestly think I will sit at my apartment, by myself, in comfy clothes, watch lots of National Geographic, read some smut, drink some wine, and not talk to anyone all weekend. I might get motivated enough to take Woody to the bark park. Maybe.

I am also still in a weird place emotionally. Sometimes it's a feeling of selfishness...I think "It's ASH time...I can do what I want...I can go where I want...I don't want to worry about anyone else...YAY freedom!!". Other times it's more like a wariness..."Ugh...I don't trust being in a relationship anymore...too many things can go wrong...too many opportunities for hurt." And other times I find myself wondering what the future holds, but still don't feel like doing anything about it...like an indifference. I just kind of want to sit back and ride for a while...no big decisions...no serious committment...no promises. Just sit back and ride. Focus on work and school and let my personal life just flow for a while.

I have done some fun things lately, don't get me wrong...it's just been a lot of stuff squished into a very small timeframe. I went on the roadtrip, I've hung out with people I haven't seen in a while, I've gotten a lot done.

Last weekend BFF Lee, his other BFF Nikki, and I went to a kickass concert. I am not afraid to admit that I have a weakness for the emo-punk-pop music. A serious, serious weakness for it. It was some strange band called Chester French, then Panic! at the Disco, then Fall Out Boy, then Blink-182. I was pretty much the happiest girl ever for 3/4 of that concert. And Travis Barker is just a drumming god. Really, he is. Lee is one of those people who is "home" for me. Blink-182 closed the show with Dammit and he, Nikki, and I all had our arms wrapped around each other and we were singing at the top of our lungs. He's one of those guys who just amazes you...I've known him for 12 years now...sometimes I wish we could have romantic feelings for each other...I think it would have saved us both a whole shit-ton of heartache...but we just...don't. Not at all.

When I got back from Toledo yesterday, Dustin, Woody, and I went to the bark park. Woody loves Dustin so much...so we try to go to the bark park together. Well, we got there and another Husky arrived, then another 2 Huskies arrived. They formed a little pack and were running all over and playing together. I almost died from cute overload. 4 super fuzzy huskies with their cute little curly tails bouncing around. Sooooo cute.

Well, I'm back to studying tonight. I hope everyone has a great night.