odetta

My life has definitely been out of focus lately. Trying to get off certain meds has taken a toll on my mood and body. I feel content with myself and an hour later I feel like dropping out of school. My motivation has disappeared. I can't find anything right now that gives me that nice excited feeling. My doctor suggested I drop a couple classes to help with feeling this way. It may end up being a good idea. I think what I'm really afraid of is Cam being disappointed with me for not being in school. School has always been a huge part of his life and he will be graduating with his degree in Mechanical Engineering soon. Thinking about that makes me feel like a failure because I can't even handle twelve units at a junior college. I'm tired of being his mental girlfriend. I don't ever feel normal and I'm worried that eventually he will grow tired of being with an unhappy person.

After work last night we all went to the bar across the freeway to celebrate a coworker's last night. I ran into my friend David that I was in a play with last year and we talked for a couple hours. It was nice to see an old friend. He invited me back to his place to smoke but I turned it down thinking of Cam. I would probably freak out if he was drinking and went to an old friends house that was a girl. I really don't want to screw anything up with us, he is too important.

Odetta