octoberallover

the band I'm in just got back from Austin.... our show was full of technical difficulties (almost completely all having to do with my equipment) and resulted in a pretty bad show and a total bummer of an experience for me.... we also missed out on a whole lot of the SXSW experience in general for our own weird reasons and road weariness.... so we drove over 24 hours to play 30 crappy minutes at some weird bar and didn't really see too many bands at all.....we didn't end up to the point of killing each other but I spend most of the time a timid tired stressed out wreck..... I guess there was alot of fear and stress in the process for me because music is all I can or want to do so almost all of it is pretty high pressure.. the only pleasure is writing, really... and performance is just a stress I wasn't particularly built for..... having played the show (such as it was) though did feel really natural and validate some part of the experience.... kind of like a glimpse into what my life ought to be.... if I wasn't so scared of instability and the somewhat solitary life of staying on the road and disconnected from people..... so, that being said, I have work tomorrow... and that just feels so mundane and awful...... even that little trip was an escape and its just so weird to be back..... I feel like I have to write something really good so that I can stay there.... maybe I'll be happy then... when some balance is struck....

... whine whine whine.......

anyway... work sucks