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octoberallover

Lubbock, Texas

Member Since 2003

Followers 5 Following 16

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Monday Jan 02, 2006

Jan 1, 2006
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I feel like I've lost perspective on so many things and my life has kind of slipped away from me.... there is that feeling that is nurtured in so many of us from such a young age... that feeling that you WILL be somebody... because thats the only thing that there is to be... the world is full of people who don't "make it"... but thats because the small victories and small lives don't count.... if you simplify it must be complete.. you have to live in a shack in the forest and eat seeds and meditate all day.... to be anything really one must be the most obvious and grandiose version of that thing.... to pursue a happy life on a smaller scale... thats conditioned out of us, I think.... and it could be such a beautiful thing to enjoy... to have as much as you need and be able to be happy with where you are.... but thats not the "american dream".... to be restless... unsatisfied... thats what is considered noble....I just want to feel like I've made it somewhere... maybe I didn't go to college.... I'm certainly not particularly charming or handsome.... but is it too much to ask to feel that I'm somebody anyway?.....why can't I just do that?... there are so many gray faces that a person feels they must pass and transcend on their way to what will surely be their glorious successes in life.... so many who are "normal"... who will never be "special" and fail to see it in them....when we tell ourselves.."I'll show them all!"..... what about those people?... what about all those people?... who are they thinking they are showing.... are you a gray face they must transcend... everything grandiose like the movies.... but what about when you know you aren't a star?.. whats left for you?.. why can't you be happy anyway?.. can you even be somebody without having to be somebody?.......I certainly hope so.... I'm beginning to forget what I ever thought was so special about me... and why I ever thought I had the right to presume it......

I guess its a good thing noone reads this.... thats kind of a bummer.... but why lie?
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
not_a_sicko:

to have as much as you need and be able to be happy with where you are


I think you hit the nail on the head with this one. It's easier said than done though, and I can't say I'm quite there myself.
But fuck the demands of society - figure out what you want and go for it.

And Unwound rocks. (although I only know their early stuff)

Jan 6, 2006
vervain______:
i have one child and on that day, most of me died. it was a good death. society is very sick. do not gauge your life based on that sickness. i was lost before. i spent large amounts of time wanting to fill up my days.
and now they are here and i want to be aimless again. life is very funny. so is ego. but it looks good and people like what looks good. and so the mind goes. it is funny. two monkies playing a game. see how funny they are? see how care free?
Jan 20, 2006

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